


Bound To You

by queenofwands



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Angst, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Depressed Harry, End-game Larry, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Future Fic, M/M, One Direction are still together though, Slow Build, Solo Artist Harry, Verbal Abuse, egotistical harry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-05-25 06:49:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 31,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6184861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenofwands/pseuds/queenofwands
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I actually saw Louis the other day,” Niall casually mentions.<br/><br/>“Oh, really?” Harry asks, resisting the urge to roll his eyes, “and how is he?”<br/><br/>“He’s doing good,” Niall responds, pausing to take a sip of his beer, “he’s actually seeing someone - <i>a guy.</i>”</p><p>Harry nearly chokes on his food.</p><p>"That's nice," is all he can manage to say. He's overwhelmed by a sudden, crashing realization he always knew he'd have to face someday:</p><p> Louis is <i><strong>openly</strong></i>  dating men.<br/>___<br/>Or Where One Direction decide to re-group for the first time in almost five years since their hiatus began - and A LOT has changed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I've had this fic saved on my laptop since like December. I ended up writing a few other fics, so I sort of forgot about it. But recently, I've come back to it and realized I really want to finish it. I'm kinda nervous about posting this because it's my first fic under this name.
> 
> This is going to be pretty canon-compliant, taking place in the future. There are **no** babies and/or baby-gate mentioned in this fic, as I know some people don't want to read about that.
> 
> I plan to update every other week, as I'm currently writing another fic under a different username. 
> 
> Oh, and I apologize profusely for any grammatical errors, also I am not British, so I'm sorry if some of the dialogue comes off as American lol. I'm trying my hardest to imitate a British style of speaking.

_June, 2019._

Harry sighs deeply and rolls over onto his stomach, letting his face rest against the coolness of the hotel pillow. He reaches behind him, fishing out his phone from his back pocket and grimacing as he unlocks its bright screen. It's probably the millionth time he's checked it since arriving back in London. He's anxiously awaiting Jeff's response to a silly Buzzfeed article he'd sent him earlier on the plane over. 

Accepting that Jeff probably won't text him back until the morning, Harry decides to exit out of his messages. His thumb hovers over his contacts, wondering if there's anyone else who wouldn't mind quelling his loneliness for a bit and having a chat. He's only been in London for less than two hours but he's already beginning to twitch from boredom. He settles on Niall because Niall is always a safe person for Harry to text. They're practically brothers and Niall never acts like he's annoyed when Harry sends him little messages here and there. He hits the cursor and begins to type. 

_Yo. You back in London yet?_

Harry puts down his phone on the bed and cracks his knuckles before he hears a buzzing. 

_Yah. I've been back. tryna keep a low profile. U?_

Harry grins at Niall's fast response and begins to type another message out. 

_Just got in. So bored. We should see each other before recording begins._

While waiting for Niall to respond, Harry opens Safari to browse the internet. Compulsively, without even thinking, he opens Google and begins to type in his name. It's become somewhat of a bad habit Harry's developed over the years, so much so that at times, he doesn't even realize that he's doing it. It's the kind of thing where he doesn't eally want to know what people are saying about him - but he has too. 

The first few articles that appear are pretty standard stuff, mostly about One Direction's upcoming reunion. He scrolls down a bit further and sees a few more about a film project he's been considering about the punk rock scene in the nineteen-seventies. There's also a few about his latest 'rumoured' conquest, a Victoria's Secret model, whose name is so foreign, Harry doesn't even think he can pronounce it. He's pretty certain he only ever met this girl once at a party and he's not even sure they properly spoke to each other - but apparently there's a picture of them standing pretty close to each other in the thumbnail, so that's worth a thousand words, he supposes. 

Then, Harry sees it. He almost scrolls past it at first, having to go back up to confirm he's just read what he thinks he's read. 

_Larry Stylinson Shippers Overjoyed for Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson Reunion_. 

Harry feels his stomach drop. 

He's not even sure if he wants to read the article. It's from a publication he's never heard of, which means it's probably just a typical trash tabloid. But he can't stop the yearning he has, the curiosity inside himself. 

_Directioners have a lot to look forward to in the upcoming months. Ever since it was announced that the band, which recently took a near five year hiatus, was going to reunite to record their sixth album, One Direction fans have been going wild! Just last month when the news was announced, Directioners nearly broke Twitter with the hashtag #OneDirectionIsBack._

_But no fans have been going more crazy than that of the infamous 'Larry Stylinson' ship, whose shippers are rejoicing at the prospect of Harry and Louis being on tour together again._

_Tomlinson, who recently opened about his sexuality in last year's December issue of Rolling Stone magazine, put a photo up on Instagram of the recording studio last week, captioning it: 'Can't believe it's been almost five yearsss ! gah so excited x.'_

_Although, the two are rumored to not have spoken to each other in the years since their hiatus began, as reported in The Sun, many Larry shippers are still hopeful that with Tomlinson’s recent declaration of his sexuality, their reunion might ignite sparks between the pair._

Harry has to stop reading. He feels physically ill. He immediately throws his phone down to the end of the bed and rolls over onto his back, rubbing his forehead. 

This was the exact thing Harry feared would happen. He knows it was only one shitty article, in one shitty publication but it still signifies the beginning - the return of the one thing Harry has tried so hard to distance himself from since breaking ties with One Direction. And now, feeling as if he's being _forced_ back into the band, Harry has to accept that he may never be able to escape the one thing he hates the most. 

As long as there's a One Direction, there will be a Larry Stylinson and that's just a hard pill for Harry to swallow. 

Before he can get more carried away in his thoughts, though, his phone buzzes again. He reaches down to where he discarded it by his feet, seeing Niall has replied. 

_Deffo man! U free tomorrow?_

Harry types back a quick reply that he is, then decides to take a before calling it a night. 

As the warm water pours over Harry's back, he tries hard not to think about that article, or Louis, or _Rolling Stone_ magazine, or any other thing that reminds him of the dreaded interaction he knows he will inevitably have to have with the man he wants nothing more than to avoid. He just tries hard to concentrate on the relaxing feeling of the water tricking down his back and how soothing it feels. 

He does not think about going downstairs to the bar. No, he definitely _does not_ think about that at all. 

He sighs, toweling himself off. It's going to be a grueling six months. 

_ 

Harry ends up meeting up with Niall at some fancy bar and grill outside London. It doesn’t take him long before he spots his blonde friend, sitting in a booth at the back of the restaurant. The minute Niall looks up to see Harry, they’re both running towards each other with arms open, nearly knocking over a table as they embrace.

“If it isn’t the superstar, himself!” Niall exclaims loudly, patting Harry on the back..

“If it isn’t my favorite Irishman!” Harry laughs, holding onto Niall for a few more moments, nestling his face into his neck, and enjoying the feeling. There’s something about Niall that Harry has always loved. It’s as if whenever they are together, they can pick up the conversation where it left off like no time had passed at all. They can goof around with each other, without it feeling awkward or strained due to time’s passing. 

“Look at you,” Niall says, pointing to Harry’s white, leather pants. “Wow, you never fail to impress, Styles.”

“Aw, stop it, mate. You’re making me blush,” Harry chuckles, stepping back for a moment.

“C’mon, sit down, mate. I’ve already ordered us some beers,” Niall announces, taking his seat. Harry frowns for a moment and slips his coat off, slowly draping it over the back of his chair.

“I’ll just stick with water,” Harry announces, sitting down, “Thanks, though.”

Niall’s face seems dumbfounded for a second as he picks up one of the beers to wave it in Harry’s face, “Ah, c’mon, Curly, one beer isn’t gonna kill ya. Don’t make me feel like I’m the only drunk here.” 

“Seriously, Niall. I’m good.” 

“Aw, c’mon, mate. It’s on me! What, a pop star like yourself can’t drink good ol’ cheap beer, now?” 

“Niall, I just want water.” Harry says, this time looking straight into Niall’s eyes. Niall still seems puzzled for a moment before he finally realizes what’s going on and awkwardly puts the beer back down on the other end of the table.

“S’okay. More for me, then,” Niall laughs uncomfortably. He looks away from Harry’s eyes for a moment, thinking of something to say to ease the air of tension he just created, “Well, I’ll tell ya, the onion rings here are fuckin’ unreal. I’ve been coming to this place almost every day since being back in London and the food is amazing.”

“I trust your judgement,” Harry says, picking up his menu to take a better look at it, “It looks like everything on here has been deep fried in oil, so, yes, this is definitely a ‘Niall’ place.” 

Niall gives Harry a hard kick under the table and they both begin to laugh. The waitress comes over to take their orders, batting her eyelashes once she realizes it's Harry Styles who’s now sitting across from Niall.

“Uh, hi,” She says hesitantly, trying to maintain a cool posture. “My name is Sarah and I’ll be taking care of you today. Can I start you off with something to drink?” She asks, looking directly at Harry.

“Um, water is fine,” He replies, folding his menu. “Maybe a diet Coke too, with lemon.”

“Sure,” She answers, jotting it down on her pad of paper. “And are you two ready to order or do you need some time?”

"Uh, I think I'll get the chicken wings with a side of onion rings." 

"Okay," She writes down Niall's order, then looks back at Harry. 

"Um, I think I'll get the steak," Harry responds, closing his menu. "Medium rare, with a side salad, Italian dressing on the side." 

"Great." The waitresses says, reaching down to take both his and Niall's menu. She walks away, giddy, as both men stare at her for a few moments. She pulls out her phone, typing in a message excitedly, then reaches up and takes a picture, not even caring that both Niall and Harry can see her.

"Yikes," Niall says, letting out a breath. "I give it about five minutes before all of Twitter-sphere knows we're here." 

"Yep," Harry agrees, nodding his head. "There'll be a line outside on our way out." He laughs. 

"Yeah," Niall laughs too. "It's amazing that even after all this time, people are still so excited to see us." He pauses, "but I guess it's not really weird for you. I mean, you haven't really been out of the spotlight that much." 

Harry shrugs, unraveling the table napkin on neatly putting it over his lap. "Well," he says. "It's still an uncomfortable thing to get used to." 

"Can't agree more." Thee conversation dies down for a moment and they both sit in silence before Niall clears his throat, "So a side salad, eh? Still on that healthy eating crap?” he jokes, “How’s that working out?” 

“Surprisingly, it’s very rewarding,” Harry says, taking a sip of his water, “ I just wake up every morning feeling refreshed, looking forward to that hour in the gym." 

“Are you joking?” 

“No.” 

“Seriously?” 

“Of course, I’m joking, you idiot!” Harry teases. “Are you kidding me? It’s bloody awful! Do you know how many times I’ve cried myself to sleep at night because I couldn’t stop thinking about a bloody cheeseburger.” 

Niall lets out a loud cackle. “You must have some strong willpower, my friend. We'll have to give you some of my onion rings when they get here.” 

“Hey, how else do you think I could fit into these leather pants?” Harry asks, cocking an eyebrow. 

“Touché.” 

They continue to banter for what seems like hours, talking about literally everything, from Harry’s solo career, to what they’ve been up to since the break began, to where they’ve been _vacationing._ Mostly, though, they talk about the memories-the funnier ones they experienced together on tour. It’s all so funny and nostalgic that for a while,, Harry’s smiling so wide, he feels the corners of his mouth getting sore. 

But then, Niall starts talking about his love life. He begins telling Harry about all of the women he’s dated since the hiatus began and all of the crazy media stories that were written about him and his relationships. Harry suddenly feels the air becoming tense and thick. His insides are twisting and churning at what’s inevitably going to come next. Niall is going to ask him about _his_ love life and Harry really, really does not want to talk about that at all. 

It’s not that Niall is going to _judge_ him for not having any sort of real romantic relationship during the break. Technically, he’s dated three models and one actress, but Niall’s not stupid. He’s in the industry and knows a publicity stunt when he sees one. Those relationships weren’t really _real_ -so, they don’t count. 

It’s bad enough that he’s bombarded by questions about his love life all the time by interviewers, fans, even random paps on the street. It happens so often, that Jeff even had to go the extra mile of giving him a list of pre-written, memorized responses to give for those types of questions. 

The sad truth is, Harry really hasn’t dated anyone in the last five years- _anyone_ at all. 

He’s not necessarily ashamed of that, he’s accepted that he’s a busy person who probably couldn’t maintain a relationship, even if he wanted to. But it _is_ an uncomfortable topic for him. How could it not be? Plus, he's not sure he's even into these model-actress types. Aside from their good looks and fashion sense, they never fail to be the same exact prototype, of with whom Harry has nothing in common. Truthfully, he finds them all quite vapid and boring. Their dinners together usually end with him paying for the entire bill and then a flurry of camera lights blinding him on their way out. Then, for a few days after, they'll text him, wanting to meet up again. Sometimes they'll send racy photos, suggesting he come meet up with them at their hotels. Harry always just ends up ignoring them, until they either go away, move on, or go to the press. Usually, it's the last one. 

“So, what about you? You seeing anyone?” Niall asks. 

“Uh, just some girls,” he says, immediately regretting his answer and how awkward it sounded. “It’s just that, it’s kind of, um, hard to keep a... I mean, like, it’s kind of hard to maintain a relation-” 

“-It’s fine, I get it, Curly,” Niall cuts him off, much to his relief, “You've never really been the type to settle down," he laughs. 

Harry wonders if Niall knows he’s lying but luckily he doesn’t continue to push the issue and neither does Harry. 

“I can’t believe Liam’s engaged!" Harry abruptly says, attempting to change the subject "I wonder if he'll choose one of us as his best man." 

“Oh, I know," Niall laughs, "We’re gonna give him so much shit about that." Harry hums in agreement. “Well, we all know it’s gonna end up being Louis. I’d be willing to put money on it.” 

The mention of Louis’ name, makes Harry cringe. 

“Ugh, you’re right,” Harry agrees, “Liam kisses his arse so much, there’s no way it wouldn’t be him..” 

“I actually saw Louis the other day,” Niall casually mentions. 

“Oh, really?” Harry asks, resisting the urge to roll his eyes, “and how is he?” 

“He’s doing good,” Niall responds, pausing to take a sip of his beer, “he’s actually seeing someone - _a guy._ ” 

Harry nearly chokes on his food. 

"That's nice," is all he can manage to say. He's overwhelmed by a sudden, crashing realization he always knew he'd have to face someday: 

Louis is _**openly**_ dating men. 

Right at that moment, their waitress appears with their meals. Smiling, she gently places them down on the table. 

They eat in silence for a few minutes before Niall begins to ramble on about something again. Harry barely looks up from his food. He's still trying to process all the information Niall just told him. 

_Louis is dating a guy._ He repeats to himself like mantra. _Louis is dating a man._

It isn’t until he feels a kicks under the table does he snap out of his thoughts and realize Niall's asked him a question. 

"Sorry," Harry quickly says, pushing a strand of hair behind his ear. "I just remembered I forgot to text Jeff something this morning. What were you saying?" 

“S'alright, mate," Niall says, through a mouthful of food. "So, have you begun to write anything?” 

“Some stuff, here and there,” Harry lies again. He hadn’t really begun writing anything at all. He had intended to, once Jeff had first suggested a One Direction reunion but he was always so busy reading scripts, having dinners with producers, focusing on his _own_ career that he never really had the time. He figures that he'd been put off their reunion for so long that he just completely forgot about it. 

“Well, you’re already ahead of me. I haven’t wrote shit,” Niall admits. “I’m a lot better when I have another person to write with, you know?” he says, stuffing another onion ring in his mouth, “Surprisingly, Louis’ been telling me he’s already written a few songs.” 

“Why is that surprising?” Harry scoffs, “I’m sure he’s been looking forward to this for months considering how badly he needs the money.” 

“Hey, c’mon, now, Harry,” Niall says, narrowing his eyes. “He’s doing alright for himself. He actually told me he was offered a book deal that he's considering. Harry suddenly feels a white, hot rage bubble up inside him. "Obviously, we’d all have to be okay with it first-” 

“-A book deal about what?” Harry cuts him off, “Are you kidding me? I’m not fucking agreeing to any book deal!” 

“Jesus, Harry, calm down,” Niall says, seemingly surprised at how outraged Harry had become. “He hasn’t even agreed to anything yet. It’s just been in the talks.” 

“Oh God," Harry groans. "What on Earth could that loser possibly write a book about? Does he seriously think he’s a fucking novelist now?” 

“I don’t know,” Niall says, shrugging, avoiding eye contact with Harry, “He said it would probably be about experiences in the band or something like that." Harry rolls his eyes and leans back in his chair. "Or maybe his life story. I told him that sounded interesting.” 

“You mean his big fat ‘coming out’ story?" Harry hisses. "Didn’t we get enough of that in _Rolling Stone_ magazine?” 

“Oh, c’mon, Harry. You know he's had a hard time of things.” 

“Yeah, sure," Harry scowls. "I wonder if he’ll drag us all through the mud again in his so-called ‘book’, like he did in that article. I hope he’s well prepared this time because I am _not_ agreeing to any book deal. If he says one negative thing about me, I'll sue him this time,” Harry practically shouts. 

“Harry, you're overreacting," Niall says, looking around to see if anyone can hear them. "He didn’t say anything bad about you. You’re blowing it out of prop-” 

"-Please, Niall!" Harry interrupts accusingly. "Don't defend him. He made it out like we were all bullies encouraging him to stay in the closet! Like he was such a martyr, carrying the band or something! He’s such a fucking arse-” Harry immediately stops himself when he sees a nearby woman staring at him. “Look, all I’m saying is that he’s lucky I’m - _we’re_ still allowing him to make music with us. He’s lucky we still want anything to do with him at all, honestly.” 

Harry had expected to see shocked look on Niall’s face at his words - but instead he simply sees one of pity. Niall’s eyes reflect the sadness and strain around the whole situation between him and Louis and suddenly Harry just can’t bear to look at him anymore. He turns his head away and begins to realize maybe he'd gone too far. 

“Hey, man," Niall says softly, reaching over to pat Harry's arm. "I understand. It upset me too,” he admits, trying his hardest to seem sympathetic, “I know it must suck to have your former band-mate imply something negative about you-” 

“-It wasn’t _implied_ , Niall. He clearly had an agenda to make me look bad and it worked.” 

“Listen, let’s talk about something else, yeah?” Niall suggests, “I’m really sorry I brought him up, Harry, but c’mon, we’re gonna be making another album together. You’re gonna need to let some of this go. You’re gonna be seeing him every day for the next few months.” 

The thought of that makes Harry want to break down and cry. He’s not ready to see Louis again. He’s not ready to have to deal with their unresolved past, their open-ended story. 

He’s just not ready for any of this. It feels like it’s happening way too soon for him and he’d like to just cave and run far away; like he always has done when things get bad between him and Louis. 

“You’re right. I’m sorry,” Harry says softly, “I do need to let it go. It’s just that Louis has done so much to hurt me, is all.” 

“Do you wanna talk about it?" 

“No, can we just forget about it, please? I’m sorry I caused a scene.” Harry apologizes. He figures it’s best to just let it go for now, before he goes into another rant again. Besides, he doesn’t care about Louis anymore, he knows that. He absolutely refuses to let Louis - or his _new relationship_ have any power over him over the next few months. 

“Here,” Harry says lifting his glass, “Let’s toast to something.” 

“It’s bad luck to toast with water, mate.” 

“Oh, c’mon. There’s nothing worse that can possibly happen than being stuck with all of you for another tour.” 

“You little shit,” Niall cackles, throwing an onion ring at Harry and with that, they’re engaged in a full on food fight that quickly escalates to throwing napkins, sugar packets, and silverware. Finally, another waitress comes over and asks them to quiet down.They both apologize but they’re laughing so hard, they’re almost crying. _ 

_ 

That night, Harry sits on his hotel room bed, feeling more depressed than he has in a long time. He glares at the mini bar from across the room, already knowing that there’s nothing but juice and bottled water inside. Jeff booked this hotel reservation for him weeks in advance. He would’ve been too clever not to have requested for all “temptations” to be removed from the room. 

He sees his phone light up a few times on the bedside table next to him but he's purposely been ignoring it since he got back, in fear he might do something stupid, like text Niall asking for the name of Louis' new "boyfriend" so he can stalk him on social media- or worse, google the nearest liquor store. 

He isn’t really sure why he cares so much. He knows his relationship with Louis was anything but perfect and that he should just be happy he’s moved on-that they’ve _both_ moved on. Louis always had a way of complicating Harry’s life and never failed to make him feel bad about himself. If anything, Harry knows he should pity this new man in Louis’ life. He doesn’t even know the real Louis yet-the whiny, insecure brat who has to insult the more successful people around him to feel better. 

_Yes, that’s it._ Harry says to himself, _I feel sorry for him._

Harry looks around the room one more time and sighs. He unfolds his leg from underneath him and lets them dangle off the side of the bed. He lets out another loud breath, before finally caving and lifting himself up to walk over to the nightstand to retrieve his phone. 

In a moment of complete distress and impulsiveness, Harry opens up a new tab on his phone and does something he promised himself he wouldn’t do again ever since the _Rolling Stone_ article came out, ever since _that night_ occurred.That horrible, horrible night. 

He types ‘Louis Tomlinson’ into the search bar. He doesn’t even have enough time to brace himself before the first headline pops up in bolded blue, only posted two hours ago, while he was still at dinner with Niall: 

_Louis Tomlinson Spotted Shopping With Mystery Man In London._

It’s like an ice-pick in his heart, as if the whole world has frozen. He knew this was coming. Niall told him this was coming. But he’s still, not ready for it. 

He feels this need to hurt himself, to punish himself, even further than he already has tonight, and so he clicks it urgently. One part of his brain tells him to turn the phone off and go to bed but the other says to continue. He waits for the article to load and when it does, he doesn’t even bother reading it. He just scrolls through it furiously, eyes too clouded from mixed feelings of anger, confusion, and sadness to read. 

He stops abruptly when he sees the picture of them together, standing a few feet apart from one another, holding shopping bags. Louis’ head is thrown back as he’s laughing. It’s a genuine laugh, too. Harry can tell because there’s crinkles in his eyes. He’s clearly laughing at something the guy has said to him. Harry feels torn up by the photo- a part of him thinks they might just be friends but then he remembers what Niall told him earlier. They are not just friends. He scrolls back to the beginning of the article and tries to read the first paragraph, running his hands through his hair. 

_Six months after coming out of the closet, it appears Louis Tomlinson may have true love! He was seen shopping with a tall, dark and handsome hunk on the streets of London earlier today._

Harry doesn't even realize how hard he's pulling on his hair while he reads. 

_It's rumoured that the young man who's caught Louis' eye, is no other than Rodrigo da Silva, a 23 year old Brazilian fashion model based in New York. Sources say Tomlinson, 27, has flown da Silva out to be by his side while he records his sixth album with former group, One Direction._

Harry clicks out of the article, not reading the rest of it. He doesn't _need_ to read the rest of it. He already understands the gist of it, anyway. Louis is dating an insanely hot male model and he's still single. 

For some reason, Harry has a hard time imagining Louis with a male model. Maybe it was just his own biases but he had always thought of Louis as less - _superficial_ \- than that. Harry knows he's being hypocritical, he's only ever been linked to dozens of models in his ten year rise to fame. But, in Harry's mind, that was different. None of those girls were ever _actually_ Harry's girlfriend, at least not to him. They were just flings - forced photo ops that gave mutual benefits. 

Louis actually dating a model was just unnatural, regardless of their sex. Harry remembers how Louis rarely emphasized physical appearance when talking about which guys he found attractive. But that was the past, Harry assumes, letting out a sigh. He even remembers how Louis told him once how perfect _his_ body was. Not that Harry really cared what Louis found attractive or not but It was right after a time when Harry was feeling particularly insecure about himself during their early days together as a band. He expressed how ugly he thought the flabbiness of his belly was and how it hung over his jeans when he wore T-shirts. Louis had told him he was perfect and that he didn't even notice any flabbiness, leaning down and kissing Harry's stomach. 

Harry shudders at the memory. 

_Liar._ Harry thought to himself. _A slut and a liar._

He should be ashamed of himself, he knows it. He's not being fair. There was no way Harry could have expected Louis to stay single forever, especially not after coming out of the closet. he had been denied the privilege of truly being happy for so long, Harry knows he deserves it. But it still doesn't ease the unhappiness inside himself, thinking of Louis and _that_ guy.

Harry shuts his phone off and slides it into his back pocket, rolling over into a fetal position and cradling his knees. Tomorrow is their first day back in the studio together and Harry's not sure he can go through with it. He's not sure he can stand there, while Louis parades his new boy-toy around in front of him. He's not sure he can handle any of this. A part of him wants to just call Jeff and tell him he's changed his mind and wants to come back to LA and to book him the soonest flight out of London. 

But he just can't keep running away. 

He allows himself to close his eyes, thinking about everything he's going to have to deal with in the next few months. He tries to remain positive, rocking back and forth slightly, repeating to himself that it won't be that bad. 

Eventually, he drifts off into sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read this, thank you! :) 
> 
> Feedback, comments, and/or kudos are always appreciated.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry I haven't updated in two months! I love this story so much and I am definitely not giving up on it! Now that the semester is over for the summer, I'm gonna really get back into working on my fics. This one especially.
> 
> This chapter's pretty short but I wanted to get the ball moving a bit while I get back into the swing of things.
> 
> I'm so excited to continue working on this!
> 
> Also disclaimer: I know nothing about how studio recording goes lol, so I'm sort of just describing how I'd imagine it.
> 
> And as always, I apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes!

It isn't until the van pulls up outside the studio that Harry begins to panic. He was fine this morning; he was even able to work out, eat breakfast, and shower without feeling the complete and utter nausea he always feels when thinking about his upcoming reunion - but now, knowing the only thing that separates him from his former band-mates is a brick wall, is way too much for Harry. It's just too much. 

He doesn't get out of the car right away. Instead he sits for a few moments, allowing himself to take several deep breaths before finally unbuckling his seat belt slowly and letting it slide back into position. He squints through the tinted glass of the window, cringing at the mob of fans, who've clearly been tipped off that him and the boys were coming, gathered outside the studio gates with their phones in hand. Harry swallows thickly, overwhelmed by the realization that he _is_ in One Direction again. 

He's living the nightmare all over again. 

The minute his car door is opened, Harry is almost deafened by the screams. Immediately, flashes go off and phones are raised to snap pictures. He keeps his head low purposefully, wanting to avoid any fan pictures. He's just not in the mood for that today. He's not going to pretend he's happy about what's going to come.

"Harry!" He hears one girl cry. "We missed you!" He waves at her, nodding his head, trying to be as polite as possible, despite his haste. "Can I please have a picture?!" 

"Uh, sorry-" 

"Please! It's one picture!" Before Harry can even process what's going on, he feels the girl's hands gripping his shirt and yanking him near her. Next thing he knows, there's several other hands on him, pulling him in all different directions like a rag doll. Harry feels slightly terrified for a moment. It's been a long time since he's done any kind of fan service like this for a One Direction event and he certainly does not miss it. 

"Enough!" Harry hears his bodyguard shout, grabbing Harry's arm and pulling him out of the fans' grip. "Enough! Leave him be, girls!" 

"Ugh, c'mon!" One of the girls protests loudly, sounding as if she's on the verge of tears. "Fucking arsehole!" 

Harry whips his head around, shocked at her insult. "Excuse me," he begins softly but before he can even defend himself, his bodyguard drags him inside forcefully, closing the doors behind them. 

Nope, Harry definitely does not miss this at all. 

"Sorry about that mate," says the guard, letting go of Harry's wrist. "I was scared they'd kill you." 

"S'alright," Harry answers, adjusting his shirt. "It happens." 

Harry doesn't need to be told where the boys are. He's familiar with their recording studio all too well. He begins to walk down the long hallway toward the door, noticing it is wide open. He can already hear Liam's voice from a few feet away. Despite them not having seen each other in years, Harry can still recognize all of their voices. 

Before he goes in, Harry stops to take a deep breath, realizing that in a few moments when he walks through the door, he's going to be faced with people he hasn't been on good terms with in a long time; people who haven't ever congratulated him on a single one of his accomplishments or acknowledged how successful he's been since One Direction parted ways, people who haven't even uttered his name since they last saw him - people who _hate_ him. 

But there's no turning back now. He's not running away. 

The first person Harry meets eyes with is Liam. For a moment, it's a bit shocking to see him again considering they haven't spoken to each other in over a year. The last time Harry had any sort of contact with Liam at all was when news first broke that Liam was engaged. He remembers simply sending him a text message saying 'congratulations.' He doesn't even remember if Liam responded, he mostly remembers just being angry that he had to find out about it through Twitter. 

He quickly scans his eyes around the room, searching for Louis but he doesn't see the lad's small frame. It's only Niall, Liam, and Julian standing around one another chatting. For some reason, Louis not being there relieves Harry and he takes a deep breath before stepping into full view of his band-mates. 

"Hello," Liam says, in a somewhat perky voice. "Glad to see you've made it." 

"Hi," Harry says softly, moving in a bit closer to the rest of the guys. "How've you been?" 

"I'm good," Liam answers, shifting his weight from one foot to another awkwardly. "How are you? 

"Fine," Harry says, wishing desperately that he could be anywhere but making small talk with Liam right now. "It was a bit hard getting through the doors." 

"Ugh, tell me about it," Niall moans, turning to face Harry. "I was just telling Liam about our dinner the other day and how that waitress took our picture and put it all over Twitter. Did ya see that?"

"Uh, no," Harry answers, looking around the studio. "I try not to go on Twitter these days." He laughs. 

"I did," Julian chimes in, yawning. "It was re-tweeted onto my timeline like a thousand times." 

"Yeah," Liam agrees, nodding his head. "It's crazy how dedicated people still are after all these years." 

"Yeah, we were talking about that too," Niall says, gesturing to him and Harry. 

The conversation continues on for a few moments before Harry looks around the studio and allows his mind to drift off in a nostalgic wave. He suddenly remembers all of the music they've created here and he's actually starting to feel a small bit of excitement bubble inside his navel, thinking about re-living some of their memories. 

But that's quickly broken when he hears a loud voice drifting in from outside the studio. He immediately knows who it is and his heart rate begins to speed up slightly. 

"Looks like Tommo's here." Liam announces, smiling slightly. Harry tenses even more and begins to pace back and forth, preparing himself for Louis' entrance. 

He looks good, Harry has to admit it, only seeing him waltz into the room from the corner of his eye, strutting over to where Niall and Liam are standing. Luckily, he doesn't bring _that guy_ with him, Harry can't help but note. Perhaps the rumors of him bringing his boy-toy on tour were all just bullshit after all, Harry thinks to himself. Good. 

"Sorry 'm late boys," Louis says cheerfully, practically jumping into Liam's arms. "Stopped for some breakfast." He giggles before practically jumping into Liam's arms. "Payno, I've missed you." Harry only grits his teeth, taking his phone out of his pocket and staring it as Louis and Liam playfully banter. 

"Ey, Tommo," Niall laughs, putting an arm around Louis. "Good to see ya." 

"Good to see you too, mate," Louis says, turning to face Niall. "Even though I just saw you a few days ago, didn't I?" Louis jokes sarcastically. "And is that my man, Julian?" Louis shouts, going over to Julian and giving him a hug. 

Harry continues to play around on his phone, waiting for the inevitable awkward greeting between him and Louis. He continues to play on his phone for a bit, figuring he'll let Louis address him first because he's far to nervous to say anything. He turns to the side slightly, facing Louis a bit more head on, in order to speed things up. 

He knows Louis is watching him from the corner of his own eye as he talks to Julian for what seems like ages. He continues to wait and wait for Louis to say something to him but then it never happens. Instead, Louis simply says after a few minutes: "Well then boys, I guess we've got some writing to do." 

It's a bit of a relief, if Harry's truthful. He was sort of hoping he wouldn't have to talk to Louis during the tour and now he knows Louis feels the same. It's just easier for the two of them to go on pretending that the other doesn't exist. They've been doing it for so long at this point that it's pretty much the best option for them, if they all want to get along as a band. 

Pretty soon, tensions are eased and all the boys begin sharing ideas for lyrics, Harry and Louis do the best they can to ignore each other, while Niall, Liam, and Julian domost of the work. After a while, it starts to feel like old times again and Harry's relieved. 

___ 

After a couple hours, Harry is feeling quite relaxed and even surprised with how easy things have been during his first day back in the studio with his old band. His tensions have definitely eased as he's talked on and off with everyone except Louis all day. 

They've already written two songs and have even begun recording one. Harry and Liam, having already recorded their solos, are seated next to Niall, watching as Louis struggles to finish his solo. Harry can't help but smirk at how badly Louis has been doing all day. Clearly, he has not done this in a long time and it's showing. Finally, Julian signals to Louis to stop and lets him know they'll try again tomorrow. 

Louis nods, seeming disappointed and raking off his headphones, heading out of the recording booth. 

Niall stands as Louis approaches, patting him on the back encouragingly. "It's alright, Tommo. We'll get it tomorrow." Liam says, trying to comfort him. 

"Yeah," Louis says somberly, bobbing his head up and down. 

Harry can't help but feel a tiny bit bad for Louis. He's always known how self-conscious he feels about his voice and he knows that not being able to hit his high notes today is only reinforcing that insecurity. But there's nothing he can - or _wants_ \- to say to Louis to make him feel better. They haven't spoken all day and it would only be extremely weird for him to try and pretend to be his best friend now. 

Plus, he hates Louis. 

Louis finally seems to snap out of his saddened trance after a few moments and turns around to sit down next to Harry on the couch where Niall had been sitting. Harry tries to move over a bit to make room for him but he's not fast enough and Louis' knee bumps into Harry's as he plops down on the couch. 

"Oops." Harry hears Louis say, immediately pulling his knee back reflexively. 

Harry keeps on staring at his phone, hoping that Louis will go on pretending nothing happened. But he can see from the corner of his eye that Louis is looking directly at him, clearly wanting a reaction. 

"Well then," Louis mumbles quietly. "Don't mind me." 

Harry's not sure what exactly Louis means by that, so he just continues scrolling through his phone, as if he didn't hear Louis say anything at all- but that only irritates Louis more. 

"That's fine," Louis whispers to himself, sighing. The saddened strain in his voice is obvious. "You haven't spoken to me in five years. Guess I shouldn't expect you to start now." 

Harry just rolls his eyes. It's a typical immature comment from Louis that doesn't _warrant_ a response from him. The studio suddenly becomes very quiet, as if everyone around them is listening along to Harry and Louis' awkward exchange. 

But Harry isn't budging. He just continues staring at his phone, tapping on his messages and clicking Jeff's name. 

_Ugh I can't take this._ Harry types furiously, not looking up, even when Niall begins singing his solo. _I'm already sick of this._

_What's the matter? _Jeff answers after a few moments, much to Harry's surprise.__

_Louis._ Is all he types back, followed by another message reading: _What else?_

\--- 

When Harry gets back to his hotel room that evening, he collapses face down on his bed. He considers shooting Niall a text, asking if he wants to go out again but he realizes he just saw him all day and doesn't want to come across as clingy. He decides to send a text to Grimmy instead, hoping the two of them can spend some time together and catch up now that he's back in London. He immediately grabs his phone and types out a quick message, asking Nick if he's free anytime this week. 

While waiting for a response, Harry decides to surf the internet for a bit. He taps on Safari and immediately feels a wave of nausea pass over him, realizing he's left his tab opened from last night when he was googling Louis' name. 

Instead of x-ing out of it, Harry waits for it to load, rolling his eyes the minute he sees a new article has appeared, showing that Louis has been papped for a second time in London, this time by himself. _That is just so typical of Louis._ Harry thinks to himself. _Desperate to stay relevant._

Harry almost clicks the link to the article but then he sees another article below it, titled: _Louis Tomlinson Shares Adorable Instagram Post Following First Day Back in the Studio._

He clicks that link instead, reminding himself that he doesn't care what Louis posts and that he's only checking out of curiosity. 

Once the article with the picture loads, Harry thinks he might vomit. It's a photo of Louis with his arm around the same guy from the paparazzi photos the other day. The caption reads: _Came home from a hard day at work to a relaxing evening with my baby ! Lucky !!_

Harry feels like he's been punched in the gut. This is an all new level awkward for Louis. Coming out in a magazine was pretty shocking and the paparazzi photos of Louis and his rumored boyfriend were even stranger - but _this_ , Harry just can't believe how open Louis is becoming about his private life. 

It just feels _unnatural._

Harry doesn't understand why he feels the way he does but he can't deny there's just something disappointing about Louis being in an openly public relationship with another man. He knows he should feel happy for his former friend and band-mate being able to live the life he's always wanted to live - but he can't help but feel sadness. He remembers all of the late night conversations him and Louis used to have when they lived together over Louis' unhappiness being in a fake relationship. It was one of the few things him and Louis could really sympathize with each other over. Harry, being the face of the band, was always forced into fake relationships time and time again, in order to help create his 'playboy' image, whilst Louis just needed a beard. 

However, the pain they both experienced from it was still the same. It had always felt like it was him and Louis against the world - that it was their own 'dirty' little secret that only they could understand. 

But people change, Harry figures. He just couldn't help but feel confused or even resentful over the fact that he was the one who _escaped_. He was the one who fought so hard to switch his management team, label, and PR team. He's the one who's had the most successful solo career, countless movie projects, and is on top of the world. He was the one who was supposed to be free. So why does he still feel like he's still so caged? 

_It's a small price to pay to be successful_ , Harry thinks to himself, tossing his phone aside. _I'm going to get through this._

It's true. Harry knows after this small reunion tour with One Direction is over, he'll go back to his normal life, post One Direction. He'll return to LA and to his friends and projects there. He knows that this upcoming tour with his former band is just a small bump in the road that he has to get over- a hurdle he has to cross. He knows it's not going to be an easy next couple of months, especially with Louis but he's still determined as ever to get through them. At least he knows at the end of the day that he's got something to look forward to when the tour ends. 

He's going to get it over with. It's his only option and he's going to do it sober. He figures if he can make it through this, he can make it through anything. 

With that thought, he heads into the bathroom to take a shower, before going to bed. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait for this update! There's a bit of smut at the end of this chapter, so here's a bit of warning.
> 
> Also, I apologize once again for any grammatical errors and the fact that I'm not British, so I probably sound absolutely ridiculous trying to write how I imagine Brits speak.
> 
> Thank you for reading :)

Harry cries the next morning. He's not even sure why- it's not like he was planning on doing it. In fact, he hadn't even felt that sad the night before when he went to bed. But for some reason in the morning, an overwhelming wave of depression crashed over Harry. He just couldn't stop thinking about how lonely London was for him. 

The tears don't pour out of him in a tantrum like frenzy - but rather, they slide slowly down his cheek. Quietly, he breathes in and out against his pillow, reaching up to wipe his eyes. 

Harry hates crying. It makes him feel so... _unmanly._ It sounds stupid, he knows but it makes him feel like a child. It's something he's only ever really done in private. He still remembers those rare few occasions when his drinking was heavy and he would allow himself to cry in front of others. He would hate himself for it in the morning and always vowed to never drink again. But like clockwork, the next night, he'd be downing anything with alcohol in it that he could get his hands on - anything to numb the pain he was truly in. 

On the outside, it doesn't appear as though Harry would have anything to cry over. He can't help but feel guilty anytime he doesn't feel anything but absolute gratefulness for the luck he's had so far in his life. 

His sniffling is suddenly interrupted when he feels a soft buzzing come from under the sheets. Pulling back the cover gently, Harry lets his hand roam all over the mattress, searching for his phone. When he does grab it, he feels a relief settle over him to see it's Nick texting him back from the previous night. Harry really could use a friend right now and Nick is just who he needs. 

_Hazza! Of course, I'd like to see you! How about tonight, if you're not busy? X_

Harry feels himself smiling a bit at the message, sliding his phone open to type out a reply. 

_Sure, mate. Gonna be in the recording studio until late but I'll text you._

Nick is one of the few people that Harry still did feel close with in the UK, aside from his own family. He knows he can always depend on Nick as his 'go-to' buddy while in London. He has to admit to himself at times that he does worry about the genuineness of their friendship. He would be lying if he said that he didn't think about those kinds of things all the time. In reality, it's just something Harry really doesn't like to think about. He knows he needs to stop wondering about the 'what-ifs.' Those are the thoughts that hold him back and make him so depressed. 

Although, sometimes Harry does wonder to himself. He wonders about whether he weren't famous, would he still be friends with the same people? Of course, there is a stinging part of him deep down that already knows the answer to that question. He's aware of the fact that people don't gravitate toward him simply because he has a nice personality. He would be a fool not to recognize that. Of course he uses his fame to his advantage, who wouldn't in his situation? However, it's not that easy. 

He always wonders if he hadn't gone solo, or been so successful, if he hadn't gotten as much attention as he did, would he and Louis still be friends? 

It's a bit of compulsive thought, really. He knows he needs to stop thinking about it and he's tried. He's let things go to his head enough already and he doesn't need to hurt himself anymore than he has- but he's never truly come to terms with how his and Louis' friendship ended so abruptly. 

There was no closure. 

Harry can't help but think Louis was the only genuine friend he's ever had. It's too much for him to think about at times- too much pain for him to bear. Nowadays, he always feels he has to question everyone's motives around him, as if he can't every truly be himself or let his guard down. With Louis, it was so much different. Louis had known him from before the fame, when they were just kids on the X-Factor. Louis is someone Harry knows he can trust, regardless of whether they're speaking or not. He lived with the man for years, for Christ's sake, he'd trust Louis with his life, more than he even would with Jeff- and that's saying _a lot_. Of course, Jeff _does_ care about him and he'd never tell Jeff any of this, but Harry still knows Louis would have his back regardless of the current state of their relationship. 

Louis cares about Harry's well-being. That is one thing is can always be sure of. 

His phone buzzes again, interrupting him with another message from Nick. 

_Great. I'm live right now so I'll call you tonight xx_

Harry sends back a smiley face, before forcing himself to get up out of bed and head down to the hotel gym. 

_ 

Harry may or may not be losing his shit later on that day in the studio. He's just arrived ten minutes ago and in the middle of having a lame conversation with Niall about American food versus British food, when he suddenly hears Louis' voice coming from outside, accompanied by another voice - a male voice. 

A voice that most certainly isn't Louis'. 

Louis then waltzes in, confirming Harry's fears. His arm is wrapped tightly around a tall, broad-shouldered man with dark curly hair. He has stunning features, Harry must admit. He's somewhat of an Adonis and well-dressed too, Harry notes. He's donning a designer suit jacket and jeans that Harry immediately recognizes from Versace's newest collection. 

Harry feels about two feet tall all of the sudden. 

He knows who the man is almost immediately. It's Louis' new boy-toy. He recognizes him right away from the pictures of them together. He knew he was a model but he just wasn't prepared for how good looking he was actually going to be. 

"'Ello lads," Louis announces, his voice happy. "This is Rodrigo. Rodrigo, this is Niall." Louis says, gesturing to where Niall is standing. 

"Hey mate, how are ya?" Niall smiles, walking forward and shaking his hand. 

"And this is Liam," Louis points toward Liam, who smiles back. 

"Hello," Liam chirps, giving the man a friendly wave. 

"And Harry." Louis says quickly, not even glancing in Harry's direction. 

Harry nods awkwardly, wanting to die on the inside. He knows Louis' only introduced him out of obligation and not wanting to seem like a jerk. He does his best to feign a smile but when he looks up at Rodrigo,instead of a warm greeting, he simply stares Harry up and down coldly, before turning back to Louis. Harry's heart almost drops at the harsh reception. He's never felt such an intense dislike from someone right away like that. Harry's never had a problem meeting new people before. He's not sure what Louis' been telling Rodrigo about him but surely it can't be anything good. 

Harry's seriously contemplating making an excuse up to get out of there when Louis announces that Rodrigo won't be staying long and that he only wanted to show him the studio. Harry breathes a sigh of relief, unsure of whether or not he could've handled an entire day in the studio with both Louis _and_ his boyfriend. 

"It was nice meeting you," Liam shouts out, as Louis walks Rodrigo out. Harry can't help but roll his eyes, crossing his arms and staring down at the ground. 

"He seemed like a nice guy?" Harry hears Niall whisper quietly to Liam, who nods his head. "I don't know, what'd you think, Harry?" 

"Yeah," Harry lies, not meeting Niall's eyes. "He seems alright." 

_ 

Harry does meet up with Nick that night in this new ritzy club that Nick keeps raving about. Truthfully, a club is the last place Harry wants to be right now. The idea of sitting around a bunch loud, drunken people coming up to him every five minutes asking if he's 'The Harry Styles' just doesn't appeal to him. Especially after the day he's had, he'd rather just crawl up in his hotel room bed and watch crappy TV - but he makes an exception because it's Nick and well, he's his friend. 

Much to Harry's relief, however, the club is actually pretty low-key and appears tame to many of the other nightclubs in London. Nick's already gotten them both a booth at the back of the club by the time Harry's arrived. He frowns slightly, realizing Nick has already ordered a round of cocktails and has begun drinking them. But he's not complaining, he's just happy to be in the company of an old friend right now. 

"So, tell me again why you're not drinking?" Nick probes, leaning in close so Harry can hear him. "Seriously, when did this happen?" 

"Well," Harry laughs, pushing Nick back a little. "I dunno. I didn't wanna keep waking up hungover anymore." 

"Oh but that's the best part!" Nick whines, giggling. "Not being able to remember what you did the night before!" 

"Maybe when you're twenty-two. Not when you're halfway to thirty." 

"Pfft," Nick answers, picking up another cocktail, "Suit yourself, Styles. If I were you, I'd be drinking like mad. With your schedule, yikes." 

"Eh," Harry shrugs, looking around the club. "S'not so bad." 

"Mm, we've got to try to get you on the show one of these days," Nick says, putting down his glass. "Maybe tomorrow morning? If you've got time?" 

"Yeah, just call me," Harry answers, secretly dreading the idea of being woken up at five o'clock in the morning to be interviewed on live radio. "But make sure you wait like an hour or two so I'm awake. I always sound stupid when it's too early and I'm groggy." 

"Aw, c'mon, you'd never sound stupid, Hazza," Nick says, putting a hand on Harry's thigh. "The listeners will love it. Especially since it'll be the first time you've had an interview since getting back with the guys." 

"Yeah, yeah," Harry agrees, swallowing down some more soda. 

"I've got to be honest with you, Haz," Nick says, reaching over to grab some chips on the table. "I never thought you guys would actually get back together. It's incredible, innit?" 

"Well, me either," Harry sighs loudly, stretching back against the leather of the booth. "To be honest, I wouldn't have done it if Nick didn't push so hard." 

"Oh dear," Nick giggles, continuing to munch on his chips. "Maybe you could give us the whole story when you're on the show: 'The Drama Behind the Hiatus.' That will definitely pull in ratings." 

"Please," Harry grumbles. "Its bad enough living it. Plus, Jeff would kill me if I aired any dirty laundry." 

"Of course," Nick agrees, bobbing his head up and down. "You're selling the fantasy of everlasting friendship here," he laughs. 

"Yeah, sure." Harry rolls his eyes. "It's only been two days back in the studio and I already feel like killing someone." 

"Uh oh," Nick reacts loudly. "You gotta give me the details. What's going on? How is everyone?" 

"They're alright," Harry says passively, not really wanting to talk about it. "It's the same as usual." 

"How's Louis?" Nick randomly asks, making Harry feel uneasy. Why does everyone always insist on bringing up Louis to him? 

He sighs loudly before answering, "...Louis is still _bitchy_." 

"Bitchy?" Nick asks, seeming amused. "I'm not surprised. We've tried to get him on the show a few times since he came out but he's always making up excuses." 

"Oh, God," Harry moans, rolling his eyes. "Don't give him anymore attention. 

"I think he still feels awkward talking about it," Nick suggests, "I thought it would be cool to have him talk a little bit about it on air but he doesn't seem to budge." 

"I just don't get it." 

"Don't get what?" Nick asks, shifting in his seat. "That he doesn't wanna talk about it?" 

"No, just that..." Harry trails off. "I don't know, I just don't get how he's done all this. How could he just change so much all of the sudden?"

" _Change?_ " Nick asks, narrowing his eyes to look at Harry. "He's come out the closet, Harry. That's not exactly changing. He's just bein' himself." 

"Yeah, I know," Harry sighs, doodling a line into the condensation of his glass. "It just feels different." 

"Well, 'course things are gonna be different now," Nick says, taking another sip of his drink. "I thought you'd be happy for him." 

"I am," Harry defends himself, looking at Nick. "Why would you think I'm not?" 

"Well, I dunno, Hazza," Nick shrugs his shoulders a bit. "You just seem a bit pissy about the whole thing." 

"M'not pissy." Harry whines. "I just think he's totally capitalizing off his whole 'coming out story.'" Harry says, emphasizing the words, 'coming out' as if they're dirty. 

"Well, you say that like it's a bad thing," Nick responds. "Can you blame him? He hasn't done much since the band broke up. He's got an interesting story and he knows he can make money off of it." 

"Yeah," Harry retorts angrily. "You mean by making me look like a jerk." 

"What do you mean?" 

Harry narrows his eyes to look at Nick, pursing his lips. "You know what I mean. The Rolling Stone article." 

"Oh," Nick answers, breathing in sharply. " _That_." 

"Yeah. _That._ " 

"Well," Nick coughs slightly, a bit hesitant of what to say next. "I mean, it wasn't that bad." 

"Yes it was," Harry says, continuing to stare at his glass. "He made it out like I abandoned the band or something. Like I was some big arsehole." 

"Well, if I remember correctly, all he said was that you two hadn't spoke since the band broke up." 

"Yeah, but I got crucified in the media because of it. They made me look like this huge, arrogant rock-star who didn't care about my band-mates." 

"Um, I think you're exaggerating how bad it was, Hazza," Nick laughs. "You were not _crucified_ in the media." 

"I just think he should've had the article okay'd with me first." 

"Well, what did you expect him to say? Lie and make it out like you guys were still best friends?" 

"No," Harry retorts angrily. "I just think he likes to play the victim." 

"Well, you can't exactly blame him for being bitter about things, Harry." 

"What is that supposed to mean?" 

"Well, c'mon, I can't imagine it was easy being in an international pop group and in the closet," Nick says, shrugging. "He was probably resentful." 

"More like jealous," Harry snaps, rolling his eyes. "He couldn't stand it when I got any attention." 

"Well," Nick says, laughing slightly. "He wanted attention too, I guess." Nick shrugs. 

"Why are you even defending him?" Harry asks bitterly. "I thought you hated him." 

"I didn't _hate_ him," Nick answers, sitting up a bit. "I just thought he was annoying." 

"Yeah, he still is." 

"Well, no," Nick clears his throat. "He was just massively in love with you and it was annoying." 

Harry freezes, feeling hot and clammy all of the sudden. 

"He was not in love with me," Harry says quickly. "It wasn't like that." 

"Oh, yes, it was, Hazza." Nick chuckles, now rolling his eyes. "It was obvious! That's why he hated me." 

"No," Harry persists, feeling incredibly uncomfortable. "He just didn't like me getting attention is all." 

"Okay, sure," Nick agrees sarcastically, rolling his eyes back again. "He just didn't like you getting attention from an openly gay man." 

"I think you're looking too much into it, Nick." 

"Well, he's got nothing to worry about now," Nick says, letting out a sigh. "He's got his boyfriend, now." 

"Yeah, don't remind me," Harry answers, folding his arms against his chest. "He brought him into the studio today. He seemed like a dick." 

"No way," Nick responds suddenly, making a face at Harry. "Really? I've always thought he seemed nice." 

"You know him?" Harry asks, his eyes perking up. He coughs and clears his throat, trying to sound like he's not too interested. "I mean, how do you know him?" 

"Of course, I know him!" Nick says, almost laughing. "He used to hang out at all the gay clubs back in the day when he first started modeling. My friend actually dated him a couple years back when he was still a baby, only about nineteen. The poor thing could barely speak a word of English." 

Harry doesn't say anything but continues listening, running his finger back and forth along the rim of his glass. 

"Always thought he was totally gorgeous," Nick continues, stopping to take another sip, "Would've loved for him to have paid some attention to me." Nick pouts. "But he never seemed to like me. Not surprised he ended up with Louis. He seems much more his type." 

"His _type_?" Harry asks, cocking an eyebrow. "What's his type, exactly?" 

"You know," Nick laughs a bit, throwing his head back. "The small twinks." 

Harry can't help but burst out laughing, almost spitting his diet Coke everywhere. "What?!" He says, reaching up to wipe his eyes. "Small twinks?!" 

"Yeah!" Nick answered, nodding his head up and down drunkenly. "He dated one of my friends actually. Apparently, he's a total top. Hung like a horse too." 

"Okay," Harry says, putting a hand up and cringing. "That's really too much information, Nick." 

"Oh c'mon," Nick laughs, biting his lip a little. "It's true! They used to fuck like rabbits!" 

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Harry says, pretending to cover his mouth. "Stop it, now, c'mon." 

"Aw, okay, Hazza," Nick giggles, putting a hand on Harry's shoulder. "You gotta admit, Louis' a lucky man." 

"I wouldn't know..." Harry swallows, not looking up. There's a tense moment of silence between the two before Harry finally says, "Why does the conversation always have to turn sexual with you?" He laughs. 

"Don't be a prude, Styles," Nick responds, giving Harry's shoulder another squeeze. "Sex is what makes the world go round." He laughs into Harry's ear. "In fact, I think you need some," He finishes, his voice low. "She's been making eyes at you all night." 

Harry turns around to see a tall, slim, blonde leaning up against the bar. She's picturesque, like she's just come off the runway or something, wearing a tight red dress that squeezes her slender figure, leaving little the to the imagination. She's definitely Harry's type, so he _does_ consider going over and chatting her up for a few seconds, maybe take her back to his hotel room for the night. Then again, It's not like he _has_ to fuck her. He could just flirt a bit with her, her her number, call her in a few days. 

But for some reason, tonight he just doesn't feel like it. 

"Pass," Harry says, turning back to Nick. "I'm gonna call it an early night." 

"Oh, c'mon!" Nick groans, taking his hand off Harry's shoulder. "You've become such a bore!" He jokes. 

"Just not in the mood, tonight, Nick," Harry smiles, getting up and straightening out his shirt. He reaches into his wallet, leaving some cash on the table. "I'll see you around, mate." 

He pats Nick's shoulder, reminding him to get some rest, then and walks off into the crowded nightclub, ignoring the blonde completely as he struts passed her. 

_ 

Despite what Harry told Nick earlier in the bar, he's hornier than ever by the time he reaches his hotel room. He's managed to conceal the small erection growing in his pants on his cab ride home, thanks to the darkened, night atmosphere. 

Once the hotel room door is closed, Harry immediately yanks his pants and boxers down, letting his semi hard cock flop out. He heads over to where his laptop is charging on the night-stand and grabs it, hopping into bed, getting comfortable and opening up his laptop. 

He opens up a new tab, immediately going to his favorite porn website. 

Harry usually never has a clear idea of what exactly he's look for whilst searching for porn - but tonight for some reason, he's formed a very specific clue as to what he wants to watch. He begins typing into the search bar. 

_'anal fuck'_

The page loads, showing thumbnails of busty blondes with big bums, sucking dick. That's not really what Harry has in mind. So he goes back to the search bar to clarify his search a bit. 

_'Gay twink anal'_

He sifts through the videos once more, eyeing the thumbnails of each one, still feeling unsatisfied. 

He goes back to the search bar. 

_'Gay twink big arse anal'_

Then, he finds a video that's perfect. It's shot from a first person point of faceless twink, getting fucked doggy-style. Harry wastes no time grabbing his cock and pumping himself to the video. The lad has an American accent, which for some reason irritates Harry, so he uses his free hand to turn the volume down. 

He focuses intently on the way the twink's arse jiggles up and down each time the top thrusts into him. He bites his lip, concentrating with each jerk of his cock on the tight flex of the bottom's muscles and how absolutely dirty and hot the entire thing is. 

Then the top smacks the bottom's arse a few times, making the flesh jiggle even harder. Harry feels he can't control himself anymore and completely succumbs to his lust. He's gone this far and there's no coming back now. He needs to get off. 

And so, for a brief moment, just a tiny moment, he lets himself imagine that it's Louis' bum, taking the huge dick thrusting in and out. 

Before he knows it, Harry is spilling himself all over the hotel sheets, letting out a soft moan. It's been a while since he's had a good wank and this is exactly what he needed. 

Coming down from his high and a bit embarrassed, Harry closes his laptop and pushes it aside on the bed. He then reaches for the remote on the smaller night-stand next to him and turns the TV on, flipping the channels nonchalantly. 

It's not the first time Harry's wanked to gay porn, let alone thought about Louis during it. He's come to accept that there's nothing wrong with it at this point. It doesn't make him _gay_ or anything. If there's one thing Harry's always been certain of, it's that he loves women. 

It just makes him bi-curious, which is completely natural in Harry's opinion. A lot of people have gay fantasies. It doesn't mean he'd ever act on them - at least not more than he's ever done. 

_But I was drunk those times_ , Harry reassures himself. _I was horny and drunk and it doesn't count._

Before he can think about it anymore and let it get to his head, Harry falls asleep. 

Which is why it's a bit awkward when he wakes up again at five o'clock in the morning with a hardened cock after dreaming about Louis. It's okay though, Harry says to himself. He can take care of it in the shower. 

If Nick calls, he'll just let it go to voicemail. 

_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm sorry but I giggled at that last part as I was writing it. It's dirty but I was trying to make it realistic lol.
> 
> I'm writing the next chapter and I'm excited for it. Harry and Louis will finally start communicating a bit again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, thanks for being patient and waiting for the next chapter.
> 
> I'm going to try and update this once a week on either Thursdays or Fridays. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and I'm sorry for any grammatical errors :)
> 
> Also, just a warning, there's a lot of talk of alcohol abuse in this chapter - and Jeff is a jerk.
> 
> Anyway, this story makes me happy and I'm glad I have people reading it! I look forward to writing the new chapter each week:)

Things become monotonous in the studio fairly quickly. 

Harry is truly amazed by it all - how easily things seem to fall into place. They've already recorded about half of the album in only a few weeks and the songs are actually _bearable_ for Harry to perform this time. Granted, he hasn't contributed much to the song-writing process, he still feels his voice is being heard when he makes minor suggestions about tweaks to the lyrics. He actually feels all of the guys have matured a bit and it's a bit refreshing to not have to 

He's even beginning to feel at ease with Niall and Liam again. He's learned a great deal about Liam's fiancee, Sarah and what a nice girl she seems to be. He genuinely feels excited for him and almost feels envious that he's found the right girl to spend the rest of his life with. Harry isn't sure he wants to settle down or anything - but it would be nice to have a companion, a soul-mate - someone to just be able to go home to at night. 

Him and Louis continue to do the best they can to ignore each other, only talking to each other when absolutely necessary. They don't seem to have a problem communicating about small work related things, which is nice. It makes Harry realize that maybe someday, down the line, him and Louis can at least be civil toward each other - which makes Harry happy. It's not that he ever wants to be best friends with Louis again but it would be nice to at least continue to work with each other and make money together in the future. 

And luckily, Louis hasn't brought Rodrigo around to the studio again, much to Harry's relief. 

Not that he's paying attention to that stuff or anything. 

_ 

They have an interview scheduled. It's not a _huge_ interview - but it's still a pretty huge deal, considering it's their first interview together as a band in years. 

It's a small, ten minute interview with BBC Radio One. Harry's already had to profusely apologize to Grimmy, who's texted Harry at least ten times since finding out that he didn't get the exclusive, coveted interview first. Harry's had to practically promise him at least two morning interviews and another dinner date just to get him off his back. 

Harry is nervous.His palms are ridiculously sweaty and he thinks he's going to get rug burn from how hard he's rubbing them against his jeans. It also doesn't help that Louis is seated right next to him, so close that their knees are practically touching. He breathes in and out. 

_It's just one interview._ He says to himself. _One silly, ten minute interview, like the countless others you've done. You can do this._

The interview isn't _so_ bad. The ditzy, blonde DJ whom Harry's never even heard of, wastes the first minute or so just going on about how wonderful it is that One Direction are back together again. Then, she mostly asks predictably general questions about what they've all been up to since the break started, how they feel they've changed as a band, what people can hope to see on tour - the standard stuff.

For the most part, Harry lets his band-mates answer the questions. it's always this way when he's with the other guys. 

"So, Liam," the DJ smiles, batting her eyelashes a bit. "I know you're engaged, congratulations." 

"Thank you, thank you." 

"Let's talk a little bit about the rest of you guys' love life - obviously, you," she gestures at Louis. "Congratulations as well on coming out." 

"Aw, thank you, love." 

Harry feels sick. 

"Were you nervous?" 

"Of course I was nervous," Louis laughs a bit awkwardly, making Harry's blood boil a bit. "Yeah, it's funny because I was talking to me boyfriend the other day and we were discussing how it was gonna be weird in interviews now that I'm out," Louis laughs. "But he's actually been majorly supportive and I couldn't be happier." 

Harry freezes. _Boyfriend._ The word resonates in the air like an illness.

He has a _boyfriend_ and he's _supportive_. 

Disgusting. 

"And you, Harry?" 

Harry snaps his head up, a bit confused. 

"I'm sorry?" 

"How's your love life been? Seeing anyone?" 

"Oh, um," Harry stutters, completely caught off guard. He didn't realize this was going to be one of those 'no-topic-is-off-limits' type of interview. He hates those types of interviews. "Erm-no." 

"Still single then?" 

"Yes." He mumbles barely audibly. His posture becomes strained and he's visibly uncomfortable. "M'just too busy these days for a relationship." 

"Aw, well, maybe someday, eh?" The DJ laughs and Harry nods, not meeting here eyes. 

Internally, he is screaming. Even though Louis isn't looking at him, Harry still feels as if his eyes are on him. The tension between them is thick and heavy and almost feel reminiscent of the feeling Harry'd have back in the day when him and Louis were asked about their love lives. 

It's always been awkward, Harry knows this. He shouldn't be expecting it to change now - but perhaps what's making it even more awkward this time around is that Louis genuinely _is_ in a relationship. He's not pretending anymore. 

Harry still feels like he is. 

The feeling he has about it is indescribable - the same feeling he had during those first few dreadful few days right after Louis came out. The feeling of hurt, anger, and confusion- the interview continues to drawl on for a few painful more minutes and luckily, Niall and Liam have begun talking about some irrelevant album details, changing the topic - but Harry's mind continues to wander. 

_"I can't believe he's doing this," Harry says, angrily slamming the magazine down on the table. "He's such a piece of shit."_

_"Harry, you've gotta let this go," Jeff answers though a mouthful of food. "The press will run with this for a week or two then the story will be old news."_

_"Yeah," Harry scoffs, crossing his arms. "It's just..." he drifts off, not sure of whether he should finish saying what he so desperately wants to say._

_"What?" Jeff questions._

_"M'just worried is all," Harry sighs, "You know...that everyone is going to think the rumors were true."_

_"The rumors?" Jeff cocks an eyebrow, then his eyes suddenly grow wide. "Oh, you mean the Larry bullshit?"_

_"Yeah"_

_"Oh, for God sake, Harry," Jeff groans. "You really have to let this go."_

_"It's easy for you to say!" Harry practically shouts, looking around the small restaurant to make sure no-one has heard him. "You're not the one who has to deal with it every time he opens his big mouth and my name automatically gets linked to him."_

_"I don't think anyone's gonna think that."_

_"Isn't there something we can do?" Harry pleads. "Can't we have our lawyers send him a letter or something?"_

_"For what?" Jeff asks, looking up at Harry. "It's not like he said anything bad about you."_

_"Oh c'mon," Harry groans._

_Jeff lets out a deep sigh and rubs his forehead._

_"Look, Harry, every major male celebrity deals with gay rumors. If anything, this will draw more attention to you. It's a good thing. It'll win you favor with the gay community."_

_"I don't bloody want attention or favor with the gay community, Jeff."_

_"Look, Harry," Jeff sighs, putting down his fork. "If you're really worried about this, we can set something up," he offers. "I've got this launch party I'm going to tomorrow night at The Nice Guy. Why don't you tag along and I'll bring a friend- a female friend."_

_Harry swallows thickly, all too aware of what Jeff is about to offer._

_"I don't know," he says. "I don't know if I'm in the mood."_

_"C'mon, Haz. We'll show up and make sure the paparazzi see you. They'll snap a couple of pictures of you and her and by the next morning, any Larry story will be buried."_

_"Mm," Harry nods, taking in everything Jeff's said. "I don't know."_

_"C'mon, Harry, it's just one night. Nothing you haven't done before."_

_"Alright," Harry reluctantly agrees, shifting a bit in his seat._

_"That's my boy," Jeff smiles, patting Harry on the back. "I got a meeting in about an hour but I'll pick you up tomorrow, okay?"_

_"Yeah, sure. Just text me the details."_

_"Alright. Just make sure you're ready to go on time this time," Jeff lectures. "I don't wanna be late."_

_"Okay." Harry mumbles._

_ 

The interview finally wraps up shortly after, much to Harry's relief. He's backstage, sitting on a small sofa, in the middle of texting Jeff about how obnoxious he thought the interview questions were, when suddenly he feels a hand on his shoulder. 

"Yeah?" Harry asks, turning around to see Niall. 

"Hey, so me and the other boys were planning on going out tonight - to a pub," Niall says, clearing his throat. " Y'know just to get together and celebrate Liam's engagement since we never got a chance to do it before." 

"Mm-hm," Harry nods, still looking at his phone to finish typing his message to Jeff. 

"Yeah, also to unwind a bit, y'know?" 

"Yeah." 

"So, d'you wanna come?" Niall suddenly asks, making Harry look up. 

"Oh, um," Harry says, immediately weary about whether or not he should tag along. "So, everyone's coming?" 

"Yeah, y'know, the four of us and of course some of the crew," Niall answers. "I mean, you don't have to come if you don't want to." 

"No, no," Harry replies, not wanting to seem like a jerk. "Sure, I'd love to come." 

"Great!" Niall exclaims, giving Harry's shoulder a tight squeeze. "I'll text you the address, alright?" 

"Okay." Harry smiles, pocketing his phone. He watches as Niall walks away and presumably lets the other boys know he's coming. He can't help but feel a tight knot starting to form in his stomach, as he wonders if going out with the guys tonight is really a good idea. 

_ 

_"What do you mean, you're not going?" Jeff shouts, only making Harry feel more uneasy. He's sitting on cross-legged on the bathroom, dressed in his suit and tie but he just can't bring himself to get up. "I've already made arrangements for the photographers to be there."_

_"I just can't," Harry says, staring directly at the floor. He begins tracing lines in the cracks on the tiles. "I won't do it."_

_"Why the hell not?!" Jeff berates him, making Harry feel nauseous. "We agreed on this, Harry! Now I've got a bunch of people who are gonna be mad at me because of you!"_

_"I just can't!" Harry cries out, this time looking up at Jeff, tears in his eyes. "He's gonna think I look pathetic!"_

_"Who?" Jeff asks, a bit confused. "Wait -you mean Louis?"_

_"Yeah," Harry mutters, looking back down to the tiled floor. "He'll see the pictures and he'll think I look desperate."_

_"Oh my God," Jeff groans. "You have got to be fucking kidding me, Harry. All of this because you're scared he's gonna see the pictures?"_

_"You don't understand," Harry cries. "You don't know what it's like."_

_"I'm really starting to wonder about you, Harry," Jeff says, suspicion dripping from his voice. "I'm really starting to wonder what's going on with you and him. Why do you care so much what he thinks?"_

_"What do you mean?" Harry asks, looking up through tear stained eyes. "What are you trying to imply?"_

_"I don't know," Jeff shrugs. "You tell me, Harry. You seem awfully concerned about him all the time- a little too concerned."_

_Harry's expression suddenly changes from one of sadness to one of absolute contempt._

_"Fuck you," he utters venomously. "I expect that from a lot of people, Jeff - but not you."_

_He gets up off the floor, pushing passed Jeff as he walks out of the bathroom. He sits down on the hotel room bed, facing away from Jeff and gazes out the window._

_"Harry-" Jeff starts but is immediately cut off._

_"-Don't. Just don't."_

_"Look, I'm sorry but," Jeff reasons, walking over slowly and sitting down on the bed next to Harry. "I do everything I can for you. I pull a lot of strings for you, Harry and you know that."_

_Harry resists the urge to roll his eyes. He knows that deep down there is some truth to what Jeff is saying. Jeff does want the best for him and he always pulls through for him._

_"You can't let some no talented, has-been control your life, Harry. You just can't."_

_Jeff's words sting - but Harry knows it's true. Louis is playing his last card - his sexuality, to get attention and he would just love to take Harry down with him._

_"You're right," Harry says, wiping his eyes. "I don't know why I let him have so much control over me."_

_"What's done is done," Jeff says, rubbing Harry's back. "You just have to let it go now."_

_"I know," Harry sniffles, turning to Jeff. "I'll go."_

_Jeff smiles and puts an arm around Harry. "I knew you'd come through."_

_ 

The pub ends up being only about a block away from Harry's hotel. He decides to walk, regrettably, having to stop twice for fan photos. By the time he reaches the enrtance, he's relieved to just get inside some type of an establishment and off the streets. 

Niall and Liam and some of the crew are already there, seated at a large round booth on the upper level. The dimly lit pub seems to be a bit more of a club, much to Harry's dislike - but he's decided he's not going to complain tonight and is just going to have a good time. 

"Harreh!" Niall shouts out drunkenly. Harry can see the guys have already started on their first round of drinks, which makes him a tad uncomfortable but he hopes they'll be too buzzed to notice when he doesn't have a drink himself. 

"Hey," Harry says, squeezing himself into the booth with the rest of the guys. He can't help but notice Louis is visibly absent, making him wonder if he's decided not to come. "Where's Louis?" 

"Oh, he's texted me that he's gonna be late," Niall says, reaching for his phone. "Yeah, I think he said he had to get something for Rodrigo." 

"Rodrigo's coming?" Harry asks, his voice dropping. 

"I think so," Niall answers, giving a shrug. "I thought that's what he said." 

Harry nods and reaches for a glass of water. He knew it was a mistake to come. He can't help but immediately start thinking of excuses for why he can leave early. _Why did Louis have to bring his boyfriend to a band event. He's not in the band_ , Harry thinks to himself. _He doesn't deserve to be involved in this._

"Oi, lads," Harry hears Louis' voice call out, making him grimace and turn around but much to his surprise, Louis is by himself. 

"Sorry I'm late," Louis sighs, giving Liam a hug. "Rodrigo got terribly sick with food poisoning right before we were to leave and I was trying to help him. Poor thing can't even leave the bathroom." 

Harry smirks, wanting to laugh out loud at the prospect of Rodrigo crawled up on the bathroom floor with diarrhea, clutching his stomach. _Not so attractive now, is he?_

"Aw, I'm sorry to hear that," Liam says, patting Harry on the back. "You want something to drink? We've got a couple of shots here." 

"No, it's fine," Louis says, squeezing himself into the booth, right next to Harry, who feels a bit warm by the sudden closeness. "I'll wait till the server comes over." 

Harry can smell Louis' cologne and shampoo in the air and it makes him feel light-headed and surreal. 

He smells _soft_. 

_ 

As the night continues to go on, the boys seem to get drunker and drunker, except for Harry who is noticeably abstaining from drinking any alcohol. Luckily, the other lads seem to pissed to notice. 

It's relaxing, in a weird way. It's sort of nice, being able to sit next to one another and enjoy each other's company for the first time in a long time. Everyone seems to be getting along well and despite not talking to each other, Harry really feels at ease sitting next to Louis. He's noticed that Louis has been awfully quiet all night, which is a bit unusual for him. Rather than participate in the conversation, he just listens along to Niall and Liam's banter. He starts to wonder if something is wrong, that he's not acting like his usual bubbly self. 

Could it be that he feels awkward around him, Harry wonders to himself, looking over to steal a glance at Louis. He seems relaxed, resting his bare feet on the leather of the booth as he absent-mindedly sips at his second Jack Daniels and Diet Coke of the night. Harry smiles a bit to himself, not being able to resist thinking that Louis looks cute like this; small, soft and a little drunk. 

A lot of people piss Harry off when they drink - but not Louis. Louis always becomes cuddly, sweet, and a bit loud while he drinks. He's not being loud tonight, though. Instead, he watches intently as Niall and Liam continue to talk. Harry hates himself a bit for feeling any bit of concern for Louis but he can't help but if his presence is making Louis uncomfortable. How could they possibly do a tour together if it is always going to be this weird between them. 

"Alright," Niall laughs loudly, interrupting Harry's thoughts for a moment. "So, Liam, you never told us who you are going to pick as your best man?" 

"Aw, c'mon guys," Liam giggles, giving Niall a shove. "M'not sure. You can't make me decide now!" 

"Yeah," Harry chimes in with a smile. "Who's it gonna be, Liam?" 

"Oh, I don't know," he giggles again, this time shrugging. "You guys can't put me on the spot like this." 

"Well," Harry laughs, deciding to try to make things less tense, "I think you're going to pick Louis," he announces, looking over to meet Louis' eyes, hoping to break the ice cold tension between them. 

Louis' eyes perk up a bit at the suggestion but he still doesn't say anything, only shrugging his shoulders. 

"I don't know," Liam says, looking over at Louis. "I guess if I pick you, I'll have to return the favor some day, huh?" 

"Maybe." Louis says, twisting his legs so he's sitting in a pretzel shape. 

"If you ever marry Rodrigo," Niall laughs. "I guess Liam will _have_ to be your best man." 

Louis blushes a deep red and buries his face in his his hands. Harry feels disgusted. It's one thing for Louis to be dating another man- but _marrying_ another guy, is a whole other story. Louis can't get married. He just can't. He's only been out of the closet for a few months. At that point, Harry will never perform with the band ever again. 

"Let's not rush into things, boys," Louis giggles. "I'm not in a hurry to get married." 

"Hey, I didn't think I was either," Liam says. "But look what happened. It's about meeting the right person." 

Harry wants to gag at the idea of Rodrigo ever being the _right_ man for Louis. There is no _right_ man for Louis. There never will be, not as long as Harry has a say in it. Louis' already ruined his life enough - he doesn't deserve to be happy. 

The waitress comes back over, interrupting Harry's thoughts, to re-fill their drinks orders. Liam and Niall order another round of shots and Louis orders another whiskey and Diet coke. Harry orders a glass of sparkling water and asks to see a food menu, hoping the other lads with eat something and sober themselves up. 

_

 _"Did you drink the entire bottle?Jeff scolds, reaching over and grabbing another drink out of Harry 's hand. "Jesus Christ, what the hell is the matter with you?"_

_"Hey!" Harry slurs, as liquor falls onto his jacket suit. He's not entirely able to hear Jeff's voice of the loud pumping of the music. "Give that back."_

_"You're fucking embarrassing yourself," Jeff snarls, shaking his head and placing the drink on the far end of the table._

_"Jeff, what the fuck?" Harry asks angrily, grabbing at his arm. "Are you mad at me?"_

_"Are you kidding?" Jeff spits, voice growing higher over the loud music. "You're piss drunk. You haven't even left the table once tonight."_

_"I'm not that drunk!" Harry slurs again. "You're always picking on me."_

_"We're gonna leave in ten minutes and paps are waiting outside," Jeff says, reaching over to grab a glass of water. "Drink this and go to the bathroom, take a piss, wash your face off."_

_"Fuck the paparazzi," Harry mutters, pushing the glass of water away. "I wanna go out the back exit."_

_"Harry, this isn't an option. I'm giving you ten minutes to sober up and get your shit together."_

_"Yeah, alright," Harry laughs drunkenly, not even sure of what's going on anymore._

_"We're gonna bring you out first, let the paps take a couple of pictures. Then, I'm gonna send Helena out second so it looks like you guys were together, alright? Then, me and Glenne will come meet you."_

_"Helena," Harry scoffs, looking over to the leggy blonde model Jeff's brought along for the evening. He's had far too much to drink to hold back anymore. "She's not even pretty."_

_Without warning, Harry feels a hard smack across his face. It's Jeff, standing above him enraged._

_"You've been acting like a little ungrateful brat all night!" He shouts, making Glenne rush over from across the dancefloor to try and break them apart. "I shouldn't have bothered taking you out tonight at all!"_

_"What the fuck, man!" Harry yells back, standing up and shoving Jeff backward roughly. "You're the one who's been pushing me around all night!"_

_Instead of answering, Jeff simply wipes his face then turns to Glenne. "I'm gonna go wait in the car. You two can deal with him._

_"Jeff, wait-" Harry calls out but he ignores him, disappearing into the crow, leaving him, Glenne and Helena alone in their corner of the club._

_"It's alright," Glenne soothes Harry, patting him on the back. "I think it's time we took you home."_

_Harry nods, holding back his urge to cry. He follows Glenne out to the front door where he's immediately met with flashing lights so bright, they blind him and that's when he looses his balance._

_The next morning, the headlines all read that an inebriated and out-of-control Harry Styles fell over in front of The Nice Guy nightclub. There's pictures of him, falling on his arse, everywhere._

_It's mortifying._

_ 

As the boys begin to part ways, Harry lingers for a few moments outside, enjoying the feel of the night breeze on his face. It's surprisingly quiet outside and Harry's been lucky enough to find himself a small alleyway next to the pub where nobody is stood. He decides to lean up against the wall for a few moments to take in the night sky.

"Great minds think alike," he hears a voice say, turning around to see Louis standing a few feet away from him with a cigarette in his hand. "'Ello." 

"Hi," Harry says nervously, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. "Still smoking, I see?"

"Ha, yeah," Louis laughs, looking down at his cigarette. "I've tried to quit so many times. S'shame 'cause Rodrigo really wants me to quit." 

"Hm," Harry nods, looking down at his feet. "I always wanted you to quit too." 

Louis doesn't answer Harry right away, instead taking in a long drag of his cigarette. "Yeah, I know." 

"So," Harry stutters. "How have you been?" 

"Alright," Louis says through a cloud of smoke. "As good as I can be, I suppose. You?" 

Harry suspects for a moment that Louis is drunk and that's the only reason he's even talking to him - but he doesn't mind. He's been lonely lately and in desperate need of any kind of conversation. "Alright." 

"Mm," Louis says. "S'good." 

"Yeah," Harry mumbles, beginning to wonder how much longer Louis will stay talking to him. "You seemed a bit quiet in there. Everything okay?" 

"Yeah," Louis nods. "Just a bit worried about Rodrigo." 

"Oh yeah," Harry answers, feeling a bit strange. "It must be pretty serious between you two, I guess." 

"I guess," Louis laughs, taking another drag of his cigarette. "You know, when I was younger, I used to take relationships so seriously - but now, I just enjoy them for what they are." 

"Yeah, that's a good way to look at it, I suppose," Harry answers, unsure if it's Louis or the alcohol talking. 

"Yeah," Louis replies. "It's also a bit strange, all of us being together here again, innit?" 

"Sort of, yeah," Harry answers, gazing up at the stars for a moment. "Not really, though." 

"Why's that?" 

"Well, we started out together," Harry says in an almost whisper. "I feel like whenever we see each other, we can pick up the pieces." 

Louis starts to laugh a bit, making Harry frown. "What's so funny?" He asks, a bit offended. 

"Nothing," Louis says, attempting to conceal his smile. "It's just kind of corny, s'all." 

"It was not!" Harry says, getting defensive. "I just meant that we all know each other very well." 

"I guess," Louis coughs, throwing his cigarette to the ground and stamping it out. "Well, I suppose I should stop bothering you now." 

"You're not bothering me," Harry says softly, watching as Louis' cigarette flickers out completely. 

"It's okay. M'getting tired anyway." 

As Louis turns on his heel though, he wobbles a bit, loosing his balance and falling on his knees. 

"Woah!" Harry gasps, immediately running over to see if he's okay. "You okay?" 

"Yeah, I'm fine," Louis slurs. "Just a little drunk." 

"Yeah, I can see that," Harry says, lifting Louis up off the ground. "I think you need to lay down." 

"Yeah, I've got me driver on speed dial," Louis says, rubbing his knee where he fell. "I'm gonna try to call him to pick me up." 

"My hotel's only about a block down," Harry says, gesturing down the street. "If you want you can just come with me there and sleep for a bit-" 

"-That's...not necessary," Louis says, putting up a hand to stop Harry. "M'fine." 

Harry suddenly realizes what he's said came off inappropriate and his face goes red. 

"I didn't mean it like that, Lou," Harry says, immediately getting defensive. "I didn't mean anything by-" 

"-Alright, Harry," Louis cuts him off. "I understand. I just- it's okay. I want to call my driver." 

"Alright," Harry agrees, lowering his head in embarassment. "Well, if you don't mind, I'm just gonna wait here with you until he picks you up, okay?" 

"That's not needed," Louis says, this time rolling his eyes. 

"Are you sure-" 

"-Yeah, Harry." Louis snaps. "I don't need you to watch me like a fucking father." 

"Okay." Is all Harry says, realizing there's no use in arguing with a drunken and tired Louis. "I'll leave you alone." 

Louis huffs and stumbles up onto the sidewalk, pulling out his phone to call his driver- and even though he's asked Harry not to mind him, Harry stays behind him for a few minutes until he sees Louis' driver pull up, making sure he gets safely into the car. 

That night in his hotel room, Harry wonder if his conversation with Louis really happened or not. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason, this felt like a difficult chapter to write. Maybe because it was sort of depressing. I'm sorry if this chapter seemed a bit rushed. I kept getting distracted as I was writing it. I really felt the ending scenes at the Pub were awkward, both for me to write and to read. But I think I was trying to convey a sense of awkwardness between Harry and Louis. It's still hard for them to communicate with each other at this stage although I think they're both easing into the idea.
> 
> I also hope the flashbacks weren't too out of place. I know it's still not clear exactly what Harry and Louis' history is but I think as the story progresses, people will get a better idea. 
> 
>  
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter anyway.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this update is LONG overdue. I'm sorry, I know it's been about two weeks - I'm gonna try hard not to let that happen again! 
> 
> I also just wanted to say that there's a lot of angst in this chapter (sorry but I love angst, I know not everybody does but I like it in my stories) but yeah, so I guess I'm just warning ahead of time. 
> 
> And even though this is canon compliant, I am not saying I believe this really happened or is happening, etc. It's all a work of fiction.
> 
> Anyway, as usual, I'm sorry for any grammatical errors and thank you for reading! :)

Harry's written a song. 

Well, the beginning of a song, at least. It's the first thing he's actually written by himself since they've been in the recording studio. It might seem a bit late, considering the album is virtually almost complete - but just because it's taken him this long to write something, doesn't mean he's not still proud. It's not exactly the _best_ song he's ever written, the lyrics are definitely simplistic at best - but he does think it might be the most emotional song he's ever written, a song that he's poured his entire heart and soul into, a song that feels genuine and real to him. 

He just wonders if he'll ever even bring himself to share it with anyone else. 

_ 

The days in the studio are coming to an end and everyone is all too aware of it. The conversations have suddenly changed from topics about the new album topics to topics about the upcoming tour. Harry can sense the change in the air. Before the album was almost finished, the entire experience only felt surreal. Now, however, it's starting to feel much more official that they are really back together and about to embark on their first tour together in years. 

"So," Niall says, stretching out in his chair a bit. "I've tried to come up with some lyrics but I'm totally spent. My brain feels like it's on pause. Has anyone else come up with anything?" 

Liam and Julian shake their heads, their facial expressions reflecting how everyone else is feeling. They need to write at least one or two more songs for the album to be complete and they've literally exhausted all of their ideas. There's only so many times they can write the same type of love song over and over again without it coming across as redundant and they've already written five songs reflecting on how they've grown as people since splitting ways. 

Well, Niall, Liam, and Julian that is - Harry and Louis have pretty much stayed mum throughout the entire songwriting process, only offering a few lyric suggestions here and there. Harry's pleasantly surprised, considering he imagined Louis would have definitely used this as opportunity to write a song about his coming out - or worse, his new relationship. 

"Well," Julian starts, taking a deep breath. "I think at this point we should just start throwing any lyrics together. We have a deadline to finish this by and the other songs are strong enough. If these ones are crappy, it's not going to bring the whole album down." 

"Agreed," Liam nods, crossing his arms. "It doesn't have to be perfect." 

"Well, I can't think of anything," Niall offers, shaking his head. "I wouldn't even know where to start. I mean, we already did so many-" 

"-I have something," Harry offers quietly, not even looking up from the spot he's been staring at since they began this discussion. The entire room falls silent, everyone's eyes turning to Harry, who's slouched deep in his chair, reaching behind him into his back pocket to fish out a folded up piece of paper. 

He clears his throat and sits up in his chair a bit, fully aware now that he's got everyone's attention on him. For a minute, he asks himself if he is really going to go through with this - if he's really going to share his song with everyone, this song that is so intensely intimate to him. 

"It's sort of, well, not necessarily a love song," he begins to explain, his hands a bit shaky as he unfolds the crumpled piece of paper. "It's more of, like, a break up song." 

Everyone seems to collectively nod, intently anticipating more from Harry, except for Louis who remains unusually silent. He seems almost as if he's in an entirely different world, hunched over at the other end of the couch with his arms folded across his chest, not even looking at Harry. 

"Except it's like, a break up with a friend - a friend you're really close to," Harry continues to reveal, this time peaking up at his band-mates through the long locks that have fallen across his face. "Sort of like when two people grow apart, make different choices." 

The other lads seem a bit skeptical. Of course, they all _know_ who the song is most likely about - his falling out with Louis hasn't exactly been a secret - but more of a taboo topic that the others don't dare to ever touch upon. 

When it comes to Harry and Louis' relationship, it's intensely personal. 

Niall is the first to break the ice and express some interest in Harry's song. "Does it have a name?" He asks, his voice a bit rough and shaky, knowing Louis is sitting right next to him. 

"Yeah," Harry replies, looking up to meet Niall's eyes. "S'called 'Wonder.'" 

Niall nods deeply and averts his eyes to the floor, followed by everyone else. He gulps thickly, before looking back up at Harry. "Well, let's hear it then." 

Harry pauses for a moment, before clearing his throat quietly. He decides to sing the song aloud, as he's pictured it so far. 

_"Lying here, looking up and wondering_

_What you're dreaming about_

_Do you still dream about us?_

_When he holds you safe and tight_

_Do you still wonder_

_What it would be like if it were us?_

_If we hadn't let them break us down_

_Do you still dream about the dreams we had?_

_Of conquering the world?_

Harry pauses, as those were the only lyrics he'd had so far. He swallows, anxiously awaiting to hear the plethora of criticism he's bound to receive. 

"Woah," Niall is the first to say, a small grin plastered on his face. "I thought this was supposed to be about a friend." 

"Well," Harry begins, his voice shaky. "I guess it's a friend you had feelings for or something." He swallows thickly. "Like a friend who was also a lover, I guess. Maybe." Harry stops talking before he embarrasses himself anymore, nervously scratching the back of his head. He notices the entire room has fallen silent. He's gone and said it now and there's nothing that can be done about it. 

He can only hope that his band-mates don't know that this song is about Louis. He even hopes Louis doesn't think this song is about Louis. 

But that's unlikely, given Louis' hunched over figure, still with his arms crossed. He looks as if he's attempting to hide his face behind his fringe. 

"Well," Julian begins, shifting in his chair. "I think it needs some work - and we'll have to write quite a bit more - but all in all, I think it's a decent song. Let's just use it."

"Really?" Harry asks, his face brightening up. "Do you really wanna use it?" 

"I mean, yeah," Julian answers, nodding a bit. "It will need some tweaking obviously and we'll have to write solos for the other guys but yeah, it's good enough." 

"I agree," Liam chimes in from where he's sat toward the other end of the room. "S'good enough and it will be easy to finish it up and write the next parts." 

"So are we all in agreement, then?" Niall asks, looking around the room. Everybody seems to say a collective 'yes' except for Louis, who's still abnormally quiet. 

"Louis?" Liam asks, turning his head to see Louis. "You agree?" 

Louis clears his throat, looking up to face Liam. Harry can't see his face but he can hear the strain in his voice, as if he were crying. "Yeah." 

"Okay, excellent," Julian announces, clapping his hands together and turning around in his chair. "Let's get to work on those lyrics." 

The other guys seem to forget the awkward tension from moments ago, as they gather around Julian to help him work on lyrics. Harry, however, doesn't move. He only stays still in his chair for a few moments before looking up to peer at Louis. To his surprise, Louis' staring back at him, through his fringed hair, his eyes appearing tear-stained. After a moment, though, Louis looks away at the other lads, making Harry's heart feel deep and heavy. 

Harry doesn't know how to feel over the fact that Louis' crying. He was definitely not expecting that kind of a response. It sort of confuses him a bit, making him feel uneasy. He didn't mean to make Louis cry. Now, he's not sure if it was a good idea to share his song at all with the guys - but it's too late now, as they're already busy coming up with the rest of the lyrics. 

So, Harry chooses not to feel anything at all. 

_ 

_**December 2012** _

_"What?" Harry slurs, drunkenly kicking off his shoes. "What's wrong?"_

_Louis doesn't respond to Harry, he only continues to stare at the empty wall in front of him from across the hotel bed._

_Harry stands still for a moment, trying to register what he's done wrong this time. He can already tell from Louis' posture, that he's upset with him. He sighs, wiping a hand over his face and looks down at Louis, as if waiting for a response. It seems all him and Louis do is fight with each other lately and it's really starting to take it's toll on Harry. It's beginning to break him down._

_"Can I lie down?" He asks, awkwardly shifting the weight of his feet from one foot to another._

_"Were you with her?" Louis asks, his voice barely a whisper. Harry immediately knows who Louis is referring to and it makes him go mad._

_"Yeah, we had dinner, so?" Harry replies, the irritation in his voice clear. "What's the big deal?"_

_He hates the feeling of Louis being angry with him, especially because it always feels so impossible to please him. He doesn't know what it is that Louis actually wants from him sometimes, every day there is a new thing he's upset over. He doesn't understand how Louis can hold him going out with Taylor over his head when Louis spent the entire day with Eleanor. He's sick of Louis' double standards that make everything impossible._

_He doesn't want to argue with Louis. Right now, all he wants is to cuddle up with someone- someone like Louis. When he doesn't get a response, he decides to move closer to the bed and sits down. Louis doesn't move at all, he just continues to lie there stony-faced and silent. Harry tries to shift his body so that he's lying down facing Louis. He gingerly reaches out to wrap an arm around Louis' chest but Louis pulls away, making Harry wince._

_"What the fuck?" Harry demands, feeling hurt and embarrassed. "What did I do?!"_

_"This has to end," is all Louis says after a few minutes of silence._

_"Wait, what?" Harry asks, his heart racing a bit as he sits up to study Louis' face. "What are you talking about?"_

_"It's over, Harry," Louis says, emotionless. "I don't want to do this anymore."_

_"What?" Harry asks confused, unable to control the flood of emotions that are about to overpower him. "I don't get it. What are you-"_

_"-This, Harry," Louis gestures between him and Harry. "Whatever this is, it's got to end."_

_"But, why? What do you mean?" Harry asks frantically, desperately hoping Louis will at least look at him so he can see if he really means it or not. "Are you seriously this upset because I spent the day with her? Weren't you with your girlfriend?" Harry empathizes the word 'girlfriend' venomously._

_"She's not my fucking girlfriend and you know it!" Louis snaps, whipping his head up to look at Harry. "I resent you always saying that!"_

_"And Taylor's not my fucking girlfriend, either!" Harry continues to shout. "You think it doesn't upset me to see you with her?!"_

_"It's not the same thing!" Louis protests, crossing his arms. "It's a complete;y different situation and you know that!"_

_"Why the fuck not?!"_

_The room falls silent again. It's so quiet that the only noise the other can hear is the sound of their heavy breathing. Harry knows why it's not the same thing. He's one of the few people that Louis' actually trusted enough to open about his sexuality with. He shouldn't have brought it up, it was a low-blow. But Louis knows that what Harry has with these other women aren't relationships either, they're mild flirtations at best - good publicity shots but with no real connection involved. He doesn't feel the same way for these girls that does Louis, even if he doesn't want to admit it to himself. No way._

_"Harry," Louis starts, his voice is shaky as if he's about to cry. "What are we doing anymore? This isn't going anywhere-it can't go anywhere."_

_"But why?" Harry pleads, frustrated. "We talk about this all the damn time! We agreed a long time ago that we weren't gonna let our other relationships interfere with what we have. Those were your words! That was the agreement!"_

_"I know what I said," Louis sighs, still unable to show Harry his face. "But that was before it became so complicated, Harry."_

_"But it doesn't have to be complicated!" Harry shouts, not caring anymore if anyone hears him. "I don't know why you do this to me every fucking time! You tell me that there's no feelings involved, that there's no strings attached, that we're just having 'fun' because we're lonely on tour - then you freak the fuck out every time I'm seen with someone else!"_

_"You freak out too," Louis responds, narrowing his eyes to look at Harry, before letting out a loud sigh. "It's gone too far. We're in too deep."_

_"You can't do this to me, Louis," Harry says, dropping to his knees. "Please, Louis," he says, his voice cracking as he feels tears beginning to well up in his eyes._

_"Jesus, look at you, Harry," Louis responds, shaking his head. "This is exactly what we feared would happen and now it's happening."_

_"I don't get it, Louis," Harry continues to plead. "Why are you doing this now?"_

_"Because it's ruining everything, Harry. If we let this continue, it might destroy the band."_

_"It's not like we're fucking dating, Louis!" Harry cries, gripping the bed sheets now, desperate for Louis to look at him. "It's not like we're in love or something!"_

_"We aren't?" Louis asks, making a face at Harry._

_"No, we aren't." Harry reaffirms Louis, looking at him adamantly._

_"So, what are we then, huh?" Louis demands, "We spend almost every night together, I can't stand the thought of you with anyone else, and you definitely can't stand the thought of anyone around me. I mean, you look like you're gonna rip the head off of any guy that even looks in my direction. So tell me, if we're not in love, then what are we?"_

_Harry doesn't know how to answer Louis' question. He can only dart his eyes back and forth between Louis' saddened expression and the floor then back to Louis. "We're best friends."_

_"No, we're not best friends, Harry," Louis answers, shaking his head. It makes Harry's heart hurt in a way he'd never known it could._

_"Louis," Harry starts, "We are still best friends."_

_"Best friends don't sleep in the same bed every night," Louis answers coldly, not meeting Harry's eyes. "Best friends don't stay up all night in hotel rooms, crying their eyes out because the other one is out with his girlfriend. Best friends certainly don't fuck each other. We were best friends. We aren't anymore. Now, we're something else, in an entirely different category."_

_Harry doesn't answer. He only continues to cry softly, kneeling by Louis' bed-side. He knows there's truth to what Louis is saying, even if he can't bring himself to admit it. Louis sighs again loudly and slowly crawls over to the edge of the bed, letting himself drop down onto the floor next to Harry._

_"We're more famous than we've ever been before," Louis says softly, reaching up to brush a hair behind Harry's ear. "It's not the same as it was two years ago when this all started. Back then, it was so easy for us then not to care about the consequences." Harry sniffles and looks up into Louis' eyes, studying them. "But now things are different. Too much is on the line. Besides, it wouldn't ever work out long range. We might as well cut our losses now before we get in any deeper than we already are."_

_Harry lets the tears roll down his cheeks for a few moments before reaching up to wipe his eyes. "You're the one deciding this for me-for us."_

_"One of us has to be the adult in this situation," Louis answers, only adding to Harry's irritation. "Do you realize if this were ever to come out, what would happen? It's bad enough that people already suspect something's going on. What if we get dropped from the label?! Face it, Harry. We're just bad for each other."_

_"You're being ridiculous," Harry answers, unable to bring himself to even entertain Louis' argument. "So what then? You're gonna stop being friends with me?"_

_"M'not saying we can't be friends anymore," Louis answers, turning his body to get up off the floor. "But we have to be professional. We have to keep our distance from each other. No more secret hook ups in hotels, no more sneaking around behind everyone's back. From now on, we're just friends."_

_Harry watches Louis as he stands on his feet and begins to walk over to the night-stand. He begins to put his shoes on, making it clear that he's leaving. "M'not gonna keep my distance from you, Lou." Harry says, mostly out of spite. It's true, he's not going to make it easy for Louis to just leave him like this._

_"Then, I'll do what I have to do," Louis answers nonchalantly, gathering the rest of his belongings. "I'll tell management that I don't want to room with you anymore, that you make me uncomfortable, that you've made inappropriate advances toward me and I don't like it."_

_"Oh my god!" Harry laughs out loud in disbelief. "You son of a bitch. So, you basically had your fun with me and now that it's 'not fun anymore' for you, you're dropping me, huh?" Harry calls out to Louis, who's refusal to even look at him only sends him over the edge. "You piece of shit, you used me like everyone else!"_

_Harry knows he's gone too far once the words leave his mouth but he doesn't care._

_"If anyone here has been used, it was me," Louis replies, looking Harry dead-on. "How dare you. You took advantage of me. You took advantage of the fact that I confided in you about me liking guys. You figured you'd turn me into your little fuck buddy and then tell me we're just friends? Then spend all day with your famous girlfriend and come crawling back to me, wanting me to suck your cock?! I don't fucking think so! Go fuck yourself, Styles."_

_"I fucking resent that, Harry hisses, the anger boiling under his blood feeling uncontrollable. "Fine, let's just put it all on the table then, while we're at it."_

_"Alright," Louis agrees, dropping his clothes on the bed and placing his hands on his hips. "Let's do it."_

_"You're punishing me because you're jealous of me."_

_Louis lets out a loud, bitter laugh. "Oh, please, Styles. You fucking make me laugh with your delusions."_

_"It's true," Harry argues, stepping forward a bit. "Everybody says it. Everyone's always known you've hated the fact that I've gotten more attention than you."_

_"Oh, please!" Louis cackles, "Everyone like who?" Harry doesn't answer Louis. Partly because he's making it up but also partly because he doesn't want to name anyone and get them in trouble._

_"I don't know," Harry stammers. "People."_

_"People?" Louis asks, squinting his eyes at Harry. "That's what I thought. You're a spineless narcissist."_

_"And you're a jealous cunt."_

_Louis turns around and smacks Harry and Harry smacks him back._

_ 

All the boys fly to LA for a few days before the tour is set to officially kick off. There's a few press related events they're set to go to in LA and it just makes things easier. Plus, it gives Harry the opportunity to touch bases with Jeff before he's away for six months. He figures he'll catch up on some of the projects Jeff's got lined up for him after the tour ends. 

"Well, as you know, you would need to fly to New York for the auditions. We're probably gonna have to squeeze it in during the tour," Jeff says, through a mouthful of salad. He's catching Harry up on the latest movie he has on the agenda for him- an HBO mini-series about the underground punk scene of the 1970s. He'd be playing a drug-addicted rock star trying to make it big who eventually dies of AIDs. The idea isn't really that thrilling and seems a bit cliche but Jeff keeps raving about how this role would challenge him as an actor. 

"Yeah, I don't know, it's gonna be hectic on tour," Harry answers, poking his food with his plate. "Plus, it's kind of controversial. I don't know. I'll think about it." 

"Yeah, but it's a great opportunity, Harry," Jeff scolds. "These guys know what they're doing," Jeff insists. "They've won like four Emmy's. This might finally be your time, y'know? You might get a nomination." 

Harry doesn't answer. He just shrugs and looks up at Jeff. "Maybe." 

"So, speaking of touring, how was it in London?" Jeff asks. He's been trying to probe Harry for information about his time in London since Harry's gotten back but he hasn't budged. He's likes to keep _some_ parts of his life to himself, where Jeff can't nit pick everything. 

"S'alright," Harry answers, a bored look on his face. "It went by faster than I expected." 

"Yeah, that's good," Jeff answers, nodding, not even looking at Harry. "You didn't drink anything, right?" 

"What? No," Harry says offended, making a face at Jeff. 

"I'm just asking," Jeff says, putting his hands up defensively. "I'm just making sure." 

Harry rolls his eyes, looking around the restaurant for a bit as things got quiet between him and Jeff. Harry doesn't understand why he can't just trust him. He knows this is a sensitive topic for Harry and to always bring it up is infuriating. 

"It's funny, I was thinking about it and like, I realized that even though I grew up in England, I don't really feel home there, y'know?" Harry says, looking up at Jeff's face to see if he's paying attention. "Like I feel more at home in LA." 

"Yeah," Jeff answers, sticking another forkful of food into his mouth. "God, I wish that waitress would come back so I can get a re-fill. The service here sucks." 

Harry just stares at Jeff from his seat, studying his face. He's not even paying any attention to him. Jeff doesn't really care if Harry had a nice time in London. He cares that Harry stays clean and sober, so he'll stay in employable and make them both money. He cares that Harry shuts his mouth and agrees to this audition and every other little thing Jeff wants and then says, 'thank you' afterward. He hasn't even noticed that Harry hasn't taken one bite of his food since they've been at the restaurant. 

Harry swallows thickly. He has no friends. 

_ 

All the guys meet up at Liam's house in LA for a final pre-tour, pool party. But it's really just an excuse for all the lads to get together and drink beer, lie around outside and do nothing. 

Harry's one of the first people to arrive, which is nice because it gives him time to relax and ease into the ambiance. He's worn his swimming trunks underneath his clothes and decides to go for a quick swim before anyone else shows up. 

Liam's pool is cold and a bit but it's oddly comforting to Harry. The icy water seems to encapsulate Harry's body in cathartic way, almost taking away all the tension he's built up. He dips his head under the water, allowing himself to sink down to the bottom of the pool. He opens his eyes for a bit, looking around the blurry water. 

It's an odd feeling, to be underwater, Harry thinks to himself. When he was a kid, he used to hold his head under water to see how long he could last. His mum would always tell him not to do that, scolding him that he could drown- but he didn't care, he always knew he'd come back up before the lack of oxygen would become too bad. 

He begins to count, wondering if he'll beat his childhood record of thirty seconds. But as he gets to about twenty-five, he has to give up, and let himself come up to the surface. 

Harry sometimes wishes life was like that - when it feels like you're drowning, that you could just push yourself up to the surface and take a breath - to free yourself from the pressure. 

When Harry pops his head up to take a breath, he hears Niall's voice shouting at him. He looks up at wipes the hair away from his face. 

"I thought you were drowning there for a second," Niall laughs, setting down the large bag of snacks he's brought. "Don't do that again, Styles. You makin' me nervous." 

Harry doesn't answer, he just swims over to the side of the pool to inspect what Niall's brought. "Aw, you didn't bring Oreos," Harry pouts looking up at Niall. "You know I love those." 

"This isn't a restaurant, Styles." 

Harry laughs and continues to size up what Niall's snacks, before he hears it. 

"Hey, lads!" 

He peers up to at the sound of Louis' voice, searching for the smaller lad to come into frame. He lets his body sink back into the water until only his head is visible from the pool. He watches with emotionless eyes as Louis comes into view from behind Liam's bushes. 

He's carrying an expensive case of beer and smiling widely at Liam, before placing the beer on the floor next to Niall's and giving him a hug. He doesn't really acknowledge Harry accept for saying a soft, 'hello' not really directed at anyone. 

Then, Harry sees it. Harry knows all too well who the figure is that's emerging from the shadows. 

It's Rodrigo, equipped with a man-bun, wearing a tank top, showing off his muscled arms that are carrying two more cases of beer. Harry can't help but role his eyes at the man's 'grand entrance' only proving further to him what a douche-bag he thinks he is. _Louis brought him to LA?_ Harry thinks to himself. _Why?_

"Aw, thanks, love," Louis says, once he notices Rodrigo standing behind him, setting down the beer. "Yeah, thank God for Rodrigo and his incredible muscles," Louis laughs, wrapping an arm around the taller man. "I wouldn't have been able to carry all of that by me-self." 

"I wouldn't be able to carry all that by me-self," Harry mimics in a whisper, making sure nobody can hear him. "Thank God for his wonderful muscles." 

"So, what's been going on?" Louis asks, looking over to Liam. "What's on the agenda. 

"Eh, nothing much," Liam answers, giving a shrug. "I figured we'd hang out for a bit, play some footie, maybe order some pizza." 

"Sounds good to me," Louis answers, turning around to look at Liam's pool, he catches eyes with Harry for a moment before awkwardly turning back around to face the other guys. "Oh boy, it's hot." 

"Yeah," Rodrigo answers, nodding his head and reaching for the hem of his shirt. He lifts it over his head and it becomes so quiet, you could almost hear a pin drop. Rodrigo's body is insane, his rippling abs and chest muscles make almost everyone in the vicinity feel uncomfortable. Harry stares at his stomach for a few minutes, rolling his eyes again at how hard he feels he's trying to show off. He looks down at his own stomach in the pool, making a mental reminder that he needs to start working out again soon. 

"Damn," Niall says, making Harry snap his head to look at him. "You must work out a lot." 

"Thanks," Rodrigo laughs, placing his crumpled shirt on a the glass table next to the beach chairs. 

"Yeah, Rodrigo works out all the time," Louis giggles, following his suit and taking off his own tank top. "He keeps trying to get me to join him but I'm lazy. 

Harry chuckles to himself bitterly, remembering how many times he used to encourage Louis to try to hit the gym with him as well. 

"Oi, Rodrigo, do you think you could help me out, love?" Louis asks, holding out a bottle of suntan lotion. "I just need me back." 

Maybe it's the summer heat or just the fact that he's in a bad mood, but there's something about the way that Rodrigo rubs his large hands up and down Louis' skin that makes Harry's blood boil. 

The way he lathers the lotion into his back, wiping up and down until Louis' tattooed skin is smooth and shiny, makes Harry feel a special type of anger that he's never felt before. 

Harry thinks a suitable punishment would be to cut his hands off - but well, he can't have everything. 

The other lads seem to disperse, Liam heading over to play a game of footie with Niall and some of their mutual friends and Louis staying by the far end of the pool area and lying down. 

He grips the ledge of the swimming pool, doing his best not make his oogling too obvious but it was a sight that stunned him and made his heart beat fervently against his rib-cage: Louis sunbathing. He's lying on his stomach, feet crossed in the air, as he rests his head on his arms. 

Harry's eyes linger on the way Louis' wet suit clings to shape of his hips and bum, completely outlining every curve, leaving just the perfect amount to the imagination: Why is he doing this? Harry questions, feeling the tension build slightly in his own swimming trunks. Why is he lying out here, looking so picturesque? 

Harry drifts to the other end of the pool, not even looking away when Rodrigo joins Louis' side, laying down next to him on a flimsy beach chair. Harry studies Rodrigo's features for a minute, taking in the way his abs seem to perfectly align with one another and how he has just the perfect amount of chest hair adorning his chest. 

And suddenly, it hits Harry. It hits him like a ten pound brick that's been dangling over his head for the past five years. 

It's him. It's always been him. He's the problem. He's always been the complication in his and Louis' relationship. 

He's just not _good_ enough. 

He can't compete with Rodrigo - Rodrigo comes from a completely different planet than he does. Rodrigo is a six foot two, tanned and chiseled God, who's niceness is only compounded by the fact that he's physically perfect. 

And Harry's not. 

Harry's a bitter pop star, who hasn't had a real relationship in years. The last sexual contact he's even had was two years ago when he managed to drunkenly sneak a male extra back to his trailer for a quick blowjob on set. Then, once he sobered up, he freaked out, when the guy threatened to leak the story to the press. Jeff had to pull several strings to get him to shut his mouth, including finding him a better agent. 

But that is how he lives. Harry's used to the loneliness now. Who is he kidding? Louis is free and he isn't. Louis can love anybody he wants to now and Harry will never get to experience that same kind of affection. 

Louis will date other men, openly, in front of Harry and he will have to learn to live with it. He will have to experience the pain of watching it and there's nothing he can do. 

Louis' officially over Harry and it's obvious. 

It's a hard realization for Harry to grapple but at least it makes sense to him now. Louis lied to him to get out of whatever relationship it was that they had. That crap Louis told him about not wanting to see him anymore had nothing to do with him wanting to protect the band or himself, or Harry. It was Harry. He just didn't want him like that anymore and Harry had to accept it. 

Louis wants a guy like Rodrigo, a guy who whom he can be openly in love with and Harry doesn't think he was ever prepared to give Louis that. 

Harry swims over to the shallow end of the pool and gingerly makes his way out of the pool, wrapping a towel around his waist. He ignores Louis' lying frame on the beach chair next to them and and heads inside Liam's house to find the bathroom. 

_ 

_**December 2012** _

_Harry and Louis haven't spoken to each other in three weeks, which would be the longest they've ever gone without talking to each other since they've met._

_Harry can't fucking stand it. He thought for the first couple of days that he could be strong and ignore Louis, that this was going to bother him so much. But after the third day or so, he cracked and started sending Louis drunken texts. Of course, he never got answer to any of the messages - but that didn't stop him. He's been spending more time with Taylor lately, having gone on their pre-planned ski trip, but he's been glued to his phone the entire time, checking Louis' Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook for any activity._

_He knows it's creepy but he can't help it. He's always felt a bit possessive over Louis. This is the first time they haven't talked to each other for longer than a day. He feels out of place. So, if he can't actually talk to Louis, he can at least try to stay in touch with him via social media. He's even googled how to receive a notification every time someone sends a tweet or posts a picture, so he can be notified right away. His heart races a little each time he hears his phone buzz, only to frown each time when realizes it's always someone else._

_Now, Harry's in New York City, lying on his hotel room bed. It's New Years Eve and he's waiting to go out again tonight with Taylor as planned. He checks his phone one more time. There's a couple texts from Taylor asking if he's okay, a few from his mum, and some from his other friends, but nothing from Louis._

_He sighs loudly to himself, ignoring everyone else's messages and immediately going to re-read the last text he's sent to Louis. He can't help but grimace as he re-reads all the texts he's sent to Louis since their fight._

_**Hey** _

_**I thought we were still gonna be friends?** _

_**I'm really sorry I said those things. I'm an asshole, okay? Peace?** _

_**I feel like shit please call me** _

_**I know you're reading these messages, Louis. It says seen.** _

_**Louis, you're acting childish** _

_**Okay, i didn't mean that ^**_

_**So, I assume you're still mad at me then.** _

_**Wanna hear something funny?** _

_**I miss you, please call me.** _

_**Remember that one time we found a mouse in the flat?** _

_**We don't have to do anything you don't want to do, okay? I just want to be friends, okay? I'll change.** _

_**Do you really think I was using you? If that's what this is about, I promise I'll make it up to you.** _

_**Hey guess what? I hurt myself while we were skiing, so I'm going back to London for a while. I've got a big bandage on my chin lol. I'll send a pic.** _

_**Not even gonna ask if I'm okay? K.** _

_**I'm bored, can you stop ignoring me now? It's been like two and a half weeks.** _

_**I know you're reading these.** _

_**Who are you hanging out with? Liam told me you're going out tonight, with who??** _

_**Who are u hanging out with tonight??? Could u at least tell me??** _

_**Fine, fucking pretend I don't exist.** _

_Harry cringes at the realization that he's becoming a man obsessed - obsessed with Louis. Harry recognizes that eventually he's going to have to give up and accept that things are done between them. Maybe he needs to realize that a friendship between them isn't going to possible anymore. Maybe he needs to just respect Louis' wishes to keep his distance from him and leave him alone._

_He just wishes it didn't hurt so bad._

_As the ball drops that night in Times Square, Harry looks up into the sky, watching the array of fireworks explode all over the city. Taylor grips his hand tightly in the excitement, smiling gleefully and showing off for the cameras. Harry stares deeply into the fading strands of light as they drop down from the sky and in all the commotion, the only person he thinks of in that moment is Louis._

_Late that night, after several more drinks, Harry slides his phone open, not caring anymore if Louis responds._

_**I know we're still not talking but I just wanted to say I hope you're having fun tonight. I miss you. I wish you were here with me.** _

_He pockets his phone in his jean pocket and makes his way home through the crowd, holding Taylor's hand._

_Harry's heart beats out of his chest later that night when he hears the sound of his phone buzzing against his thigh. This time, Louis actually did respond. But instead of the response Harry was hoping for, Louis' message simply contains a screenshot of him kissing Taylor as the ball drops. Harry frowns, realizing that the video's already gone viral and Louis' seen it._

_It officially feels over between him and Louis and he's played every card he could. Harry's too drunk and sad to care anymore, so he picks up his phone and types one final message before falling asleep._

_**Happy New Years, Louis. I love you.**_

_And with that, Harry breaks the cardinal rule and allows himself to collapse and fall into a deep sleep._

_ 

Harry shivers a bit, feeling the cool air of Liam's house hit him. He probably should'e asked where the bathroom was before entering the house but it's too late now that he's inside and his swimming trunks are dripping all over the tiled floor. He hopes Liam won't be too mad but then again, maybe he can just quickly find a towel and mop up the mess he's making. 

He decides to start opening doors to try to find the bathroom. The first one he opens is a closet, with not much in it, then a bedroom. Finally, he finds the bathroom and steps inside, closing the door behind him. He immediately runs up to the toilet and pulls down his bathing suit, breathing a sigh of relief as he relieves himself. 

Harry looks around, impressed the spaciousness of Liam's bathroom. It's definitely twice bigger than any of the bathroom in the homes he's owned. He also enjoys the marble jacuzzi Liam's put in, thinking about how nice and relaxing. 

Then suddenly, without warning, the door bursts open. 

"Oh shit," Louis says, embarrassed, immediately stepping back outside. "Sorry!" 

"No, wait," Harry calls out after him, flushing the toilet and pulling his trunks back up. "You can come in." 

"Sorry," Louis says again, opening the door hesitantly. His eyes are closed tightly, in a way that makes Harry giggle. "It wasn't locked. Is it safe to look?" 

"Yeah," Harry giggles, heading over to the sink to wash his hands. "S'my fault. I forgot to lock it." 

"S'okay," Louis answers, opening his eyes. "Jesus, this bathroom's huge innit?" 

"Yeah," Harry agrees, wiping his hands on a nearby washcloth and turning his body to face Louis'. "S'pretty huge." 

"Look at that jacuzzi," Louis snickers, pointing to it, making Harry nod his head, smiling. 

"Yeah, I noticed that," Harry laughs, turning back to look at Louis. Things suddenly become quiet as Harry notices Louis staring at his lower half. 

"You're all wet," Louis says, pointing to Harry's swimming trunks. 

Harry's face turns bright red as he looks down. "Oh yeah, sorry. I just got out of the pool. I was actually looking for a towel." 

"Well, here," Louis offers, turning around to grab a white towel off the rack behind him. "Take this one." 

"Thanks," Harry answers, taking the towel in his hands. 

"D'you mind?" Louis asks, looking up at Harry waiting for him to leave. 

"Oh shit, yeah," Harry breathes, awkwardly turning on his foot to leave the bathroom and give Louis some privacy. He mentally scolds himself for being so _cringey_ with Louis all the time. 

He exits the bathroom, closing the door behind him and bends over to quickly mop up the mess he's left behind up and down the hallway. He's trying to be thorough but he's rushing, wanting to finish before Louis comes back out and he's forced to have another conversation with him. But it's too late, when he hears the toilet flushing and the sound of the sink. The bathroom door opens and Louis immediately speaks. 

"You know, I'm glad I bumped into you," Louis says, moving closer to Harry, which only makes his pulse beat harder. 

"Yeah?" Harry asks, nervously fidgeting with the towel in his hand. 

"Yeah, I wanted to talk to you actually," Louis answers, looking around to make sure they're both alone which only worries Harry. "About our conversation a while back. You know, the one outside the pub?" 

Harry knows exactly which conversation Louis is talking about but decides to play it cool instead, not wanting to come off as a creep who remembers every little detail about his and Louis' relationship. "Yeah, now it's coming back to me." 

"Right," Louis nods, letting out a deep breath. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry if I came across like a prick." 

"You didn't?" Harry says, making a bit of face. Louis did come off as a prick, if Harry does remember correctly but he was drunk so he doesn't want to make him feel too bad about it. Plus, Louis' being nice to Harry right now and that's a good feeling. 

"Yeah, well, I was drunk," Louis answers, looking a bit ashamed. "I just didn't want you to think I was angry with you or anything." 

"No, no, I didn't," Harry replies, trying to remain nonchalant. 

"Yeah, I wanted to text you but then I remembered that you've changed your phone so many times that I don't know if the number I still have is yours." Harry nods but something about that makes him feel sad. 

"You should've asked Niall," Harry says, still playing around with the towel in his hands. "I mean, I would've given it to you." He doesn't want to come across like a jerk. 

"Right," Louis answers, letting his eyes drop to the floor for a moment. "You know, Harry. I know we're about to be on tour together for six months, so I just want to make sure things aren't weird between us, y'know?" 

Harry understands perfectly what Louis is saying and he's sort of relieved that Louis' brought it up to him now, before the tour. He didn't know if he would've been able to just keep ignoring him like this, if they had to see each other all the time. 

"Yeah, I understand," Harry answers. "I'm glad we're on the same page. I didn't want any bad blood between us, either." 

"Exactly," Louis smiles, placing a hand on Harry's shoulder, making Harry inwardly wince at the touch. "I want to have a good working relationship, you know? I can't stand the idea of us not being able to do business with each other." 

"Yeah, of course." Harry coughs, nodding his head in agreement. 

"And who knows, maybe even someday we can learn to be friends again?" Louis suggests, cocking an eyebrow at Harry, who darts his eyes away. "Y'know, baby-steps, right?" 

Before Harry can even answer, they're conversation is interrupted by a rather angry looking Rodrigo. 

"What's going?" He asks, stepping closer to both Louis and Harry, wrapping an arm around Louis' waist. "We're waiting for you outside." 

"Sorry, babe," Louis answers, leaning into Rodrigo's touch, making Harry a tad annoyed. "We were just talking about the tour." 

"Yeah, well, we're about to play a game another game of football," Rodrigo answers, looking over at Harry and tightening his grip on Louis. Harry wants to laugh at the idea of Rodrigo actually considering himself friends with the rest of the guys. "I want you to be on my team." He whispers into Louis' his ear, making Harry have to dig his nails into his palms with anger. 

"Okay," Louis laughs, nuzzling his face into Rodrigo's neck,. Harry could puke. "By the way, this is Harry. I don't know if you guys ever formally met." 

"Yeah," Rodrigo huffs dismissively, tugging on Louis' waist. "I know who he is." Harry cannot believe how rude Louis' boyfriend is being. If Louis and has relationship wasn't already on the rocks, he'd call him out for being a prick. 

"Yeah, so um, I guess I'll text you then?" Louis says to Harry. "Or, wait, I guess I'll get your number from Niall." 

"Louis, c'mon," Rodrigo persists, continuing to pull him away from Harry. 

"Okay, okay," Louis giggles. "I'll get it from someone, I promise!" He laughs and allows himself to be dragged off by Rodrigo, as they make their way back outside giggling. 

Harry watches them for a few minutes, as they joke and laugh with each other outside. It's a bittersweet feeling as he starts to wonder what a friendship with Louis would even look like now that they've changed so much. 

_Friends with Louis again?_ Harry thinks to himself, skeptically. _Yeah sure._ But he'd be lying if he said the idea didn't secretly excite him. He really hopes Louis does text him. 

_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I feel like I have to apologize because I know the lyrics to Harry's song were awful lmao but I was kind of lazy and just wanted to convey that the song was obviously about Louis. 
> 
> Also, I wasn't really around for Haylor so sorry if some of the timing seems inaccurate, I didn't really care enough to research it tbh cause, ew. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this update. I'll try to post the next one by the end of this week.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being so patient to everyone who's been waiting for me to update :) I'm sorry it takes so long. I start writing the chapter and I keep adding more stuff, etc. 
> 
> There's some smut in this chapter and of course, as always, angst lol.
> 
> Thank you for reading and I apologize for grammatical errors :)

The boys all share a plane to Australia, where the tour is set to kick off. After that, they'll head to Asia, and eventually back to the United States and Canada, finishing up in Europe. 

It's going to be exhausting, Harry knows it - but he's actually become a little but excited. Although, it is a bit strange because it is the first time they've all shared a plane in a very long time. Back in the day when they were touring, Harry usually flew private from the other boys, a habit he got used to after his and Louis' relationship became strained. He didn't want to make things awkward for either of them, so he did the only thing he knew how to do - avoid the situation at all costs. 

It's different now, though. Despite Louis never texting Harry like he'd promised at Liam's party, he still has been behaving more friendly and welcoming toward Harry. There doesn't really seem to be an air of tension around them anymore, which is relief to Harry. He doesn't feel afraid anymore to chime in on conversations with Louis and the other boys and he doesn't feel the need to hide his smile if Louis says something he finds funny. 

It's refreshing for Harry. He knows he and Louis still have a long way to go, if they really do intend to repair their friendship but it's at least a start. He would be lying if he said he wasn't a little bit excited to catch up with Louis about all the stuff they've been doing since the break began-but he doesn't want to be the first one to initiate the conversation. He figures it's safer to just let Louis come to him. 

Harry also can't help but notice that Louis seems to have left Rodrigo behind in California. He doesn't want to ask anyone about it. 

"It's an island, innit?" Louis asks, looking around at the other lads. "Australia?" 

"No, it's a continent," Niall corrects, poking Louis in the thigh with his foot. 

"It's an island," Louis answers, rolling his eyes. "It's a continent that's an island." 

"No, nobody ever refers to it as a island ever," Niall answers. "It's just a continent." 

"Y'know I've always wanted me own island," Liam interrupts. "That'd be ace."

"Oh yeah," Niall asks, turning his head to face Liam. "I've heard of that." 

"Oh my God, yeah," Louis agrees, nodding his head. "I've always wanted a private island too. Could you imagine how nice it'd be?"

"So, buy one," Harry chimes in, the croak in his voice immediately making him feel self-conscious. Everyone falls silent as they turn to face both Harry and Louis.

"Well, it's expensive," Louis laughs, averting his eyes to the floor. "I'm trying to be more frugal that I used to be these days."

"I'll buy it for you," Harry smiles, trying to make a joke. "As a birthday gift. We can call it St. Louis."

Louis' body stiffens a bit as the smile from his face fades. "That's just creepy, Harry."

Harry immediately goes silent as his face turns bright red.

The conversation seems to resume in the background but Harry's turned his head to look outside the window. He feels embarrassed and doesn't want to look at the other guys right now out of fear that they'll all be giving him strange looks. 

He doesn't know why he always does this to himself. He tries to talk to Louis but he always feels stupid immediately after. Louis has this impeccable way of always making him feel like he's a creep or he's weird. He just wants to talk to Louis but perhaps it's just too soon for them to have a regular conversation. 

He fucking hates it. 

_ 

_**X-Factor, 2010** _

_Harry knows exactly what he's doing. He's known since the minute he suggested they play this bloody, awful game- and now that he's had enough booze dissolving into his bloodstream, he's finally ready to execute his plan._

_"Harreh's turn," Zayn slurs, messily pouring more booze into everyone's cup._

_"Okay," Harry giggles, drunkenly, shifting his legs so he's sitting with his knees up. "Never have I ever...kissed another boy."_

_The room becomes quiet as the lads all exchange drunken glances at one another hesitantly._

_"Fuck it," Louis suddenly says, earning shocked faces from everyone as he takes another sip from his cup._

_"What?!" Niall laughs, punching Louis in the arm. "You've kissed another bloke?"_

_Louis' face turns a deep shade of pink, that only intrigues Harry even more, who's intently listening. Louis nods shyly, biting his lip and lets out a soft giggle. "I have."_

_"No way," Zayn says. "When?"_

_"It was a long time ago," Louis continues to drunkenly giggle. "If I tell you lads the whole story, I'mma need to drink some more of this."_

_"I don't know if I want to hear it," Liam moans, clutching his stomach. "I already feel sick enough."_

_"Hey!" Niall shouts, tossing a pillow at Liam's face. "Don't be a homophobe! I want to hear it!"_

_"Me too," Harry croaks, turning to face Louis. He suspected Louis might have fooled around with guys before- but now it was confirmed. Louis had fallen right into his trap and now he needed to know more._

_"Well, it's really not that interesting," Louis says, placing his cup down in front of him. "It was back home in Docaster. A lad I knew from school."_

_"Do we know him?" Zayn asks, crossing his legs._

_"Probably not," Louis shrugs, still keeping his eyes on the floor. "We were drunk."_

_"Was it just kissing?" Niall questions, smiling from ear to ear, seeming fascinated by Louis' confession._

_"Yeah," Zayn laughs, poking Louis with his leg. "Or was there hanky panky?"_

_"Alright, alright, that's enough, lads," Louis answers, still as red as a tomato. "...There may have been some hanky panky."_

_The group collectively makes an 'ooh' sound, except for Harry who continues to stare directly at Louis. "What kind of hanky panky?" He asks, almost feeling a bit jealous._

_"Nothing too serious," Louis chuckles, taking another sip of his cup. "Let's just say, I may or may not have touched his...you know," he finishes gesturing to his crotch._

_The lads seem to have a field day with this information and continue to laugh among themselves. Harry smiles along with the other lads, not being able meeting eyes with Louis a few times._

_"So, does that mean you're like, you know?" Liam asks, clearing his throat. "Y'know, um, y'know like-?_

_"-Gay?" Louis asks, narrowing his eyes to look at Liam. "I don't think so-I mean, I don't know."_

_"He's not gay," Niall answers, making a face at Liam. "He's had girlfriends."_

 _"Maybe you're bi," Zayn suggests, reaching over to grab a discarded potato chip._

_"I don't know," Louis says, feeling a bit uncomfortable. "I don't think I am."_

_"Well, you're definitely a weirdo," Niall laughs,_

_ 

_Later that night, Harry notices that everyone else has already fallen asleep in the living room. He watches as a drunken Louis stumbles up the stairs to make his way into their room._

_He follows suit, quietly, not wanting to startle Louis_

_"That was crazy," Harry mumbles softly, startling Louis a bit who was unaware he was behind him._

_"Yeah," Louis slurs, kicking off his shoes and collapsing onto the bed. "I've never been that drunk before."_

_"No," Harry comments, making his way toward the bed. "I meant, the game."_

_"Oh yeah," Louis giggles, turning his head so he's facing Harry._

_"Yeah," Harry replies, crawling onto the bed until he's leveled with Louis. "I didn't know that."_

_"Know what?"_

_"That you hooked up with a guy before."_

_"Oh," Louis laughs softly, twisting his body so him and Harry are lying on their sides facing each other. "Yeah, it was a long time ago."_

_"Yeah," Harry mutters, watching as Louis' sleepy eyes flutter open and closed. "Did you like it?"_

_"I guess," Louis answers, taking a deep breath. "It was alright."_

_"Would you ever do it again?"_

_"Well, you're just a chatty Cathy tonight, aren't you?" Louis sighs, snuggling into the pillow a bit more. "I don't know."_

_"Louis," Harry says softly, reaching up to gently place a hand on Louis' cheek. Before either of them can say anything else, Harry leans in and places a soft kiss to Louis' lips._

_He pulls away and Louis' eyes immediately shoot open, taken aback a bit. But instead of protesting, he stares at Harry's lips for a minute longer, then leans in for more, forcing their lips back together. Harry moans into the kiss a little and begins to become a bit more dominant, rolling over so that he's on top of Louis. He leans down and sticks his tongue out for entrance into Louis' mouth. Louis parts his lips and moans softly as their tongues touch, making Harry feel the most horny he's ever felt._

_They continue to make out like this for a few more moments, until they both become so tired they can no loner keep their eyelids open or move their tongues anymore. Harry's a bit disappointed, but he knows Louis is falling asleep and he doesn't want to force him to do anything more for the night. So, he rolls off of Louis' body so that he's lying next to him on the bed once again._

_"So," Harry whispers, reaching over to wipe a hair out of Louis' face. "Was I as good as him?"_

_Louis smiles reaching up to grip Harry's hand in his own. "Of course. You were better."_

_Louis eventually drifts off to sleep, leaving a restless Harry to lay there all night, grinning so wide it makes his face hurt._

_ 

They're set to do an interview in Australia the day before their first show. Everyone is pretty exhausted, having just come off the plane and then rushed into a van to head to a secret location for an exclusive. 

Harry's half asleep through most of it, struggling to keep his eyes open. The interviewer is pretty much asking basic stuff about the band and the album. Harry's trying not to make it too obvious he's keeping an eye on the clock hanging up directly behind the interviewer's head, trying to count down the minutes until this is all over and he can go to sleep. 

"So, I have to say," the interviewer remarks, sitting up straight in her seat. "That I've gotten a lot of fan questions on Twitter." The boys all nod, not at all unfamiliar with this process. "And I've gotten a lot of questions for Louis about 'Loudrigo.'" 

Hary immediately freezes and scrunches his nose. _Loudrigo? What the fuck is Loudrigo?_

"Oh God," Louis laughs, nodding his head. "Is that right?" 

"Yeah, apparently everyone is crazy over 'Loudrigo." 

"Loudrigo?" Liam laughs, turning his head to face Louis. "What?" 

"Yeah," Louis laughs. "That's what the fans have been calling us- me and Rodrigo." 

"Oh!" Liam smiles, bobbing his head up and down. "It's perfect- Loudrigo!" 

"So, now that Liam's getting married, does Loudrigo have any plans on getting married soon?" The interviewer persists, making Harry want to scream. 

"Haha, not at the moment," Louis answers, folding his hands in front of him and resting them on his lap. "Maybe someday." 

"Aw, maybe someday," the interviewer nods, turning to the rest of the guys. "Do the rest of you want to get married some day? I mean you're not teenagers anymore. You're all in your mid twenties now. Does the thought cross your minds?" 

"I mean, yeah," Niall answers, much to Harry's relief. "I think all of us would like to get married eventually some day- but it's not really something you should rush into." 

"So, Louis and Niall," the interviewer comments, gesturing to them. "That means you both want to get married then?" 

The two men nod their heads. "And what about you, Harry?" 

Harry looks up, confused as to why he's being singled out. "What?" 

"Are you looking to get married anytime soon?" The interviewer asks, her cheeks blushing a bit. 

"I don't know," Harry answers uncomfortably, folding his hands in his lap. He can sense Louis is staring at him from his peripheral vision and he clear his throat. "No." 

"What?" The interviewer gasps, looking at the other lads for a reaction. "You don't want to get married?" 

"No," Harry coldly answers, sensing Louis' body tense next to him. "I'm not the marrying kind." 

"You don't want to get married?" Niall asks, turning his head in disbelief, making Harry shake his head in return. 

"Oh wow," the interviewer comments. "You probably just broke a million girls' hearts out there." 

"Probably," Harry answers, crossing his arms. "It is what it is." 

"Well, that's a shame," the interviewer laughs. 

Harry only shrugs, not really wanting to discuss the topic any further. 

He doesn't say anything else for the rest of the interview. 

_ 

_**August 2013, post VMAs**_

_"I told you she was a bitch," Louis comments, shooting Harry a knowing glance. "And that she was just gonna use you for more self promotion."_

_"I don't think she exactly needs me for promo, Louis," Harry yawns, removing his suit jacket and placing it on the plush chair next to the hotel bed. He turns his head to see a smug Louis tossing his on the floor. "Okay, just say it."_

_Louis smiles. "I told you so."_

_Harry sighs, turning to face Louis while unbuttoning his shirt. "It sucks, you know?"_

_"What?"_

_"That I'll never be able to escape her, y'know?" Harry finishes, finally removing his shirt to reveal his bare chest. "It's like, for the rest of my life, people will always associate my name with hers. I'll always be known as Taylor Swift's ex boyfriend." Harry makes a face as he says it. "Harry and Taylor. Haylor."_

_"Mm," Louis nods in agreement, removing his own shirt as well. "Well, it's kind of the same with us too, though," he says quietly, his eyes averting to the floor. "You know, with Larry."_

_"But that's different, Louis," Harry answers, looking up to make sure he meets Louis' eyes. "I don't care about that."_

_Louis doesn't answer Harry but instead keeps his head low. It's obvious from his body language that he doesn't want to have this whole 'Larry' discussion again, so Harry decides to let it go for now, watching as Louis finally strips off his pants, leaving him nothing but his briefs._

_Harry's breath hitches in his throat for a second as he eyes Louis' small frame up and down. His predatory gaze would probably make Louis a bit uncomfortable, so he does his best not to make it obvious he's shamelessly leering at Louis' body._

_It doesn't matter how many times Harry sees Louis like this, it still blows him away each time. The way Louis' tanned skin contrasts against the black color of his briefs that perfectly hug his bum makes Harry feel_

_"What?" Louis asks, immediately putting a hand across his tummy. "What are you looking at?"_

_"You look hot," Harry breathes into Louis' ear, making the older boy buckle at the knees a bit._

_"No," Louis shakes his head, standing up straight again and returning his gaze to himself in the mirror. "I look tired."_

_"You're insane," Harry smiles, crouching down so that his head is resting on Louis' shoulder. He reaches up and places his hands on both sides of Louis' waist "Can I?"_

_Louis nods and closes his eyes, leaning his head back into the crook of Harry's neck, as Harry rubs his hands up and down Louis' sides, feeling every curve, eventually stopping to rest his hands on Louis' hips, toying with fabric of his briefs._

_"What's this?" Harry smirks into Louis' hair, making him shudder a bit. "You know you're not allowed to wear any clothes in my hotel room."_

_Louis giggles and gently shoves Harry's hands away, slipping his thumbs underneath of the elastic of his underwear. He gently pulls them down until they're lying on the floor between him and the mirror._

_"That's better," Harry nods, reaching down to squeeze Louis' bare bum in both his hands. "Now, get on the bed."_

_Harry watches as Louis struts over to the bed and climbs on top of it, giving him a full view of his backside._

_It was no secret that Harry and Louis had never officially stopped hooking up with each other. Harry didn't know what is is about Louis that he's so drawn to-but all he knows is that he needed to have it again and again. To the outside world, Harry can have anybody he wants - but right now, Harry only wants Louis._

 _Harry is addicted to Louis and there was no other way to describe it._

_"How do you want me?" Louis asks softly, turning his head to face Harry._

_"Lie down, face up," Harry answers, making his way toward the bed. Louis obliges, turning himself over so that his eyes meet Harry's as he sits down next to Louis on the bed. Harry wastes no time in tracing a line from Louis' navel all the way up to his lips, leaning down to plant a kiss there. Louis moans deeply into Harry's mouth, reaching up to grab both sides of his face as their tongues battle each other's for dominance._

_Harry eventually shifts his body so that he's on top of Louis, kneeling in between his legs. They continue to kiss like this for a few minutes, until Harry breaks the kiss and rubs his clothed erection against Louis' thigh._

_"Go on," Harry breathes into Louis' ear. "Say it."_

_"Nrgh," Louis makes a strangled noise, twisting his head to the side. "I can't."_

_"Come on," Harry whispers huskily, licking a stripe from Louis' collar bone all the way up to his jaw. "I want you to say it."_

_Louis knows exactly what Harry wants to hear but he's feeling a little shy tonight. Harry tries to coax the words out of him some more, sucking on softly on his neck._

_"C'mon," Harry persists. "I won't do it unless you say it."_

_"Okay," Louis sighs, closing his eyes and wrapping his legs around Harry's waist. "I want you to fuck me."_

_"No," Harry hisses, swatting Louis' hip gently. "Bad boy. Say it that way I like."_

_"Uh, okay, alright," Louis agrees. "I want you to fuck me," he repeats, this time leaning up and brushes his lips against Harry's ear. "Daddy."_

_"That's my boy," Harry moans, turning his head to kiss Louis again deeply. He then gets up and reaches down to unbuckle his belt. "Daddy's gonna fuck you so good."_

_Louis can only moan at Harry's words, throwing his head back into the pillow and spreading his legs even further in anticipation._

_ 

_After the excitement of their latest rendezvous, Louis and Harry are both comfortably snuggled together on the bed_

_"I have to shower," Louis sighs. "I smell gross."_

_"No you don't," Harry smiles down at Louis, caressing his shoulder. "You just smell like come."_

_"Exactly," Louis replies, rolling his eyes. "It's gross."_

_"It's hot."_

_"Perv," Louis giggles, lightly slapping Harry's chest._

_Their laughter dies down for a moment, making the room unnervingly silent. Finally after a moment, Harry clears his throat._

_"Would you have ever married me?" Harry asks, immediately regretting it once the words fall out his mouth._

_"Uh-what?" Louis asks, tensing under Harry's arm, seemingly baffled by Harry's odd question. "What do you mean?"_

_"Well, you know," Harry says in barely a whisper, playing with a loose piece of threading of the blanket. "If like, none of this had ever happened - like, we never became famous."_

_Louis lies silent for a few more seconds as Harry nervously continues to pick at the thread. He knows he shouldn't have brought the subject up to Louis at all and he feels like he'd like to run away and hide._

_"If none of this had ever happened, we'd never have met," Louis answers solemnly, rolling off of Harry's chest._

_"You don't know that," Harry shrugs, disappointed. "Maybe the forces of the universe would've still brought us together."_

_"Oh please," Louis yawns, stretching his arms a bit. "Don't give me that fate crap. Besides, if we ever had gotten married, we'd be divorced in a year."_

_"That's not true," Harry mumbles, still picking at the loose thread. "That's an awful thing to say."_

_"It's true, Hazza," Louis explains. "We'd never make it. We're too fucked up."_

_"Hey," Harry protests, nudging Louis lightly with his leg. "I resent that."_

_"Whatever," Louis says, taking another deep breath. "I'm just saying that we're too, y'know-"_

_"-Young?"_

_"No, not exactly," Louis answers. "We just, would never work out, y'know? We're always fighting."_

_Harry frowns deeply to himself, completely devastated by how Louis seems to view their relationship. He doesn't even know why he bothers anymore._

_"Besides, I don't know if I ever want to get married," Louis says, turning over to face Harry again. "I might not be the marrying kind, y'know?"_

_"No," Harry answers softly, not meeting Louis' eyes. "You are. I can tell. You'll get married someday. I won't."_

_"That's not true," Louis says, reaching out to touch Harry's arm gently. "Of course, you'll marry. You'll probably be married three times to three different models." He teases. "You'll end up like Mick Jagger."_

 _Harry suddenly becomes stone-faced. "Don't ever say that again, Louis." "What?" Louis asks, not sure of what he's done to upset Harry. "What did I say?" "I'll never marry, ever, Louis," Harry says, finally plucking the loose thread from the blanket. He looks over at Louis and stares him in the eyes. "Because the one person I want to marry will probably never say yes."_

_Louis pauses awkwardly and looks down at Harry's chest rise up and down with his breathing. He continues to rub his arm up and down, eventually letting out another deep breath. "You're tired," is all he says. "You don't know what you're saying."_

_Harry isn't sure if he wants to cry or push Louis off the bed._

_ 

After the interview is over, Harry takes a much needed nap in his hotel room, allowing himself to collapse face down on the bed. 

When he wakes up later, Harry finds himself unusually bored. He flips through the television channels, pausing for a while to watch an interesting Australian talk show but loses interest after a while and turns the TV off. 

He sighs, rolling over onto his side, reaching down and sliding his phone out of his pocket. There's a couple of text messages from Jeff and a missed call from his mum. He makes a mental note to call her back later and decides to surf the internet instead. 

He googles himself, as he usually does, and scrolls through the various headlines. Most of them are consisting of his reunion with his band, their arrival in Australia, or the upcoming tour. 

Then, out of curiosity, Harry goes back up to the search bar. His thumb hovers over it, hesistant on whether or not he really wants to do it. 

He finally caves and types in _'Loudrigo_ and presses enter. 

Immediately he's hit with a sense of regret when the first headline pops up: _Larry Who? One Direction's Hottest Summer Couple is Loudrigo_

He rolls his eyes at that and continues to scroll, each headline sound more pathetic than the last. 

_Forget About Larry!, Brazilian Model Steals 1D's Louis' Heart_

_Five Things You Need To Know About Louis Tomlinson's Rumoured Beau, Rodrigo da Silva_

Harry scrunches his nose, unable to identify the weird feeling he's experiencing. He's not shocked anymore by the fact that Louis' dating a man, nor is he shocked by the fact that he's out. But there's just something odd about the fact that all of these headlines contain something about 'Larry Stylinson'. 

It almost feels as if... Larry's _died._ In some abstract sense, of course, as if, Loudrigo has now taken it's place. 

It's a dumb thing to feel upset over and Harry knows it. He always used to think he'd never be able to escape the 'Larry Stylinson' rumours- the constant reminder of his and Louis' relationship; the relationship that was doomed from the start. 

But now, sitting alone in his hotel room, Harry can't help but feel a deep sense of sadness overtake him. It's almost like the final stage of acceptance- accepting that him and Louis are over and always will be over. Perhaps, they never even were really a thing, if Harry thinks about it. Like a moment in time that happened so fast, it's questionable whether it ever really existed. 

It's the end of an era. It's the official confirmation that Larry is dead 

Harry wipes the tears from his eyes and gets up off his bed. 

He needs to go outside. It's not healthy for him to stay in one space for too long. 

_ 

**_August 2014_**

_"Can we please got to McDonald's?"_

_Harry rolls his eyes, looking out the window to see if he recognizes any of the buildings._

_"Please?" Louis insists, nudging Harry's arm. "I saw one a few miles back. I'm starving."_

_"No." Harry simply replies, shaking Louis' hand off his shoulder._

_"Why not?!" Louis squawks, squirming in his seat. "I'm fucking hungry."_

_"Because I don't want to," Harry replies sternly, not relenting. "Besides, I told you to eat something back at the bar."_

_"But I wasn't hungry then!" Louis yells, crossing his arms._

_"I told you not to drink on an empty stomach."_

_"Oh, shut up," Louis scoffs, crossing his arms. "Stop treating me like I'm a kid."_

_"It's not my fault you never listen to me."_

_Harry knows he's been being unnecessarily hard on Louis lately. It's the first time the two of them have hung out alone together in a very long time. Their relationship has been so strained lately, especially since the start of the tour and Harry doesn't know how much longer he can take it._

_It's not that he doesn't love Louis anymore, he knows he'll probably never stop loving him, but all the years of resentment are beginning to take their toll on Harry. This constant back and forth between them, never knowing if Louis' coming or going in his world is starting to tear Harry down. He's become hardened in this seemingly out of control situation. Their relationship is starting to feel like more of a chore than anything else. Some days, Harry feels like he's a parent to a rebellious child, always worried what Louis is going to do or say next. He's still not fully forgiven him for the video of him and Zayn smoking weed, which was a huge blow to the band's reputation. He just doesn't understand why Louis has become so self-destructive lately. He knows it's been hard on him all these years, to be closeted and to deal with the pressure of fame- but Louis is going down a path that Harry can't bear to watch. It's starting to eat away at him inside._

_"Harry, you're driving too fast."_

_Harry rolls his eyes, ignoring Louis'comments, making another sharp turn down a road that looks unfamiliar._

_"Where are we going?" Louis demands, his voice full of concern. "This isn't the way back to the hotel."_

_Harry only continues to drive, feeling the deep knot of worry begin to unravel in his navel. He knows he doesn't know where he's going and Louis' incessant whining isn't helping._

_"Harry, you need to turn around!" Louis shouts, nudging Harry's arm. "We're completely lost! What if we have an accident?!"_

_The rain seems to come down harder now, pelting the windshield forcefully. Harry reaches down to try to turn on the windshield wipers, when he's suddenly startled by a light getting brighter. He looks up to see what appears to be a van coming head on and immediately swerves to the right, jolting both him and Louis forward. Luckily, the're both wearing their seat belts as Harry narrowly manages to swerve the car just in time to escape the head-on collision._

_"Jesus Christ!" Louis yelps as Harry slows the car down to a stop._

_The driver of the van angrily beeps at them, slowing down his car to shout a slew of profanities at Harry, before speeding off._

_Everything's silent now and the only sound that can be heard is Harry and Louis' heavy breathing intermingled with the sound of the rain beating against the car._

_"We almost fucking died," Louis scolds in a panicked whisper. "We almost fucking died, Harry!"_

_Harry closes his eyes, gripping the steering wheel. He can still feel his heart racing in his chest. It's suddenly dawning on him what a mess they're in. They're completely lost in a city they don't know, it's dark, and there's miles away from the hotel._

_"We NEED to call someone," Louis orders, reaching into his pocket for his phone. "We need help." He breathes angrily, sliding his phone open. "I can't fucking believe I listened to you. I knew this whole thing was a bad idea. I'm such a fucking idiot-"_

_"-Will you shut the fuck up?!" Harry shouts, reaching over and grabbing Louis' phone out of his hand. "You're a such a fucking nag, you know that?"_

 _"Oh, so it's my fault that you don't know how to drive?!" Louis retorts. "Give me my phone back!"_

_"No!" Harry angrily responds, throwing Louis' phone toward the back of the car._

_"Are you fucking serious, Harry?" Louis cries in disbelief, looking back to see if he can find his discarded phone. He frantically unbuckles his seatbelt and climbs and tries to climb over Harry to get to the backseat._

_Harry forcefully grabs Louis' hips and pushes him back into his seat, earning a yelp from Louis._

_"Just stop!" Harry roars so loud it makes Louis bow his head in submission. "Just shut the fuck up! All you've done is bitch and moan all night! Now just shut the fuck up and sit still for five minutes so I can think!"_

_Things quickly become quiet in the car and Harry lets out a deep breath, leaning his head back against the seat. He begins to wonder if it's better to just turn around and try to go back or if they should stay in the car and try to brave the storm and wait until it's clear enough to try to drive back._

_Either way, Harry knows he doesn't want to call for help. The risk of him and Louis getting caught together is too high, management has already been on all of their cases as of lately thanks to Louis and Zayn's video - and even if he did call for help, he wouldn't know how to describe where he was. They appear to be in the middle of nowhere on a dark road, which he doesn't know the name._

_That's when Harry hears a soft sniffling coming from beside him. He looks over to see Louis hunched over wiping his eyes._

_"Louis," he starts, not really knowing what to say. "I'm sorry, okay?"_

_Louis doesn't answer him but rather only continues to cry softly to himself._

_"Why are you crying?" Harry asks, knowing it's a dumb question. He just hates the sight of Louis crying and knowing he caused it makes him feel awful._

_"Because," Louis answers softly. "We're stranded in the middle of nowhere, it's dark, it's raining, and you're being mean to me."_

_"Look, I'm sorry, okay? I'm just nervous, I don't know where we are."_

_"You're the one who lured me out here," Louis sobbed. "Even though I didn't want to. You're the one who wanted to see me, remember?"_

_"I know, Louis!" Harry shouts. "I'm sorry, I lost my temper, okay?"_

_Louis only continues to sob softly to himself, which in turn makes Harry feel even worse._

_"Louis, please," Harry pleads, reaching out to rub Louis' back. "I know. It's my fault. I'm sorry, okay?"_

_"It's not okay," Louis cries, wiping his eyes again. "We're completely lost. I'm scared._

_"It's gonna be okay," Harry says, starting the car again. "I'll just turn around and go back from where we came from. Eventually we'll find our way back."_

_Harry starts to turn the car around and drives down to the end of the street, making a turn back on the road they came from. They drive for a total of thirty seconds before red and blue lights begin flashing behind them, accompanied by a siren._

_"Oh, what the fuck," Harry mutters, slowing down the car so he can pull over. "What's this about?"_

_"Fuck," Louis breathes, panic clear in his voice. "This is really bad."_

_"Calm down," Harry urges. "We'll be okay."_

_"No, we won't!" Louis continues to panic. "You don't understand, Harry. I have like two joints in my pocket."_

_"What?!" Harry hisses, whipping his head to face Louis. "Are you fucking serious?"_

_"Yes!" Louis cries. "I was gonna smoke them after we got back to the hotel."_

_"Oh my fucking God!" Harry scolds Louis. "Just keep your mouth shut, okay? Let me do the talking."_

_"We're fucked," Louis whispers again and again. "We're really fucked this time."_

_"Shut the hell up and let me do the talking!"_

_The officer knocks on the window, making Harry rolls down his window._

_"Good evening, sir," Harry says, doing his best at staying polite. He's never been pulled over in America before but he has been in the car once while Jeff was pulled over, so he's familiar with the process._

_"Do you know why I pulled you over?" The cop asks, his American accent thick and heavy._

_"I'm not exactly sure, sir," Harry answers, clearing his throat. "I'm a bit lost."_

_"Your tail-light is out," the officer says, his voice stern. "Plus, you were driving quite...erratically. You haven't been drinking tonight have you?"_

_"No sir," Harry lies immediately, trying to remain calm. "And I didn't know that, sir. This is a rental car, so I'll have to let the agency know about the tail-light."_

_"Hm," the cop responds, skeptically. "You're not from around here, are you?"_

_"No sir," Harry answers, as the cop holds up his flashlight, blinding both him and Louis._

_"Holy shit," the officer gasps, continuing to keep the flashlight on Harry. "You're that guy-that British guy, from the boy-band!"_

_"Guilty," Harry chuckles, flashing the cop a toothy smile, making an irritated Louis roll his eyes in the background._

_"Oh my God," the officer continues to say in disbelief. "I can't believe it! Oh man, aren't you guys playing a show tomorrow night?"_

_"Yep," Harry nods. "Yes, we are."_

_"Aw, yeah, my daughter wanted to go to that," the cop explains, still smiling widely. "I can't believe it's really you. What's your name again, Harry something?"_

_"Harry Styles."_

_"That's right!" The officer answers, giddier than before. "Harry Styles. I can't believe I pulled you over. Hey, it's like one o'clock in the morning, what are you doing out so late?"_

_"Oh, well you know," Harry tries to think of something clever to say. "The time zones are all different here in America."_

_"That's true," the cop laughs. "Don't you guys drive on the other side of the road?"_

_"Yes," Harry nods. "That is true too."_

_"No wonder you're lost," the officer laughs, making Harry feel a bit uneasy. "Hey, who's in there with you? Is that a girl?"_

_Before Harry can protest, the cop is shining his flashlight into the passenger's side, nearly blinding Louis, who immediately turns his head away._

_"Just with my friend," Harry quickly says, which earns him a shocked glance from Louis._

_"Oh okay," the officer nods, turning his flashlight off. "Hey, do you think you could sign an autograph for my daughter? She's a big fan of you guys?"_

_"No problem," Harry agrees, still smiling at the cop. "I can do one better, I'll get her tickets to our show tomorrow night."_

_"Really? You'd do that?"_

_"Not a problem," Harry nods. "Just give me your phone number and I'll have someone call you and get your information."_

_"Awesome!" The officer replies, writing something down on his ticket pad. "I'll tell you what, I'm not gonna give you a ticket, though, you do have to report that tail-light. I'll give you my phone number and e-mail on here and then you can follow me and I'll lead you back to the main strip."_

_"Oh, thank you!" Harry replies, nodding his head and taking the piece of paper. "Thank you so much!"_

_"Oh, no problem," he responds. "I'm Officer Reilly, by the way."_

_"Officer Reilly," Harry repeats. "I'll remember that."_

_"Thanks kid," Officer Reilly smiles. "You know, you really do have that Hollywood smile. You're gonna do big things after that boy band breaks up."_

_Louis and Harry stay silent as the cop makes his way back his patrol car. Harry knows Louis is upset by the officer's words but he doesn't say anything. It's a sensitive topic for Louis- Harry leaving the band. It's something he's tried to assure Louis of a thousand times that he wouldn't do, but it's hard for Louis to trust Harry. He's always worried if Harry really does get an opportunity to go somewhere else, he will._

_Harry desperately needs to get them both back to the hotel, though. So, he starts the car again and begins to follow the cop car, until they're back on the main road and Harry actually recognizes where he is going now. He sees the bright lights of the hotel and he sighs in relief, pulling into the valet parking._

_Louis doesn't even give Harry any time to try to talk to him, though, nor does he invite Harry up to his room. He simply slams the door after retrieving his phone from the backseat and walks back into the hotel ahead of Harry._

_"Enjoy getting high," Harry mutters to himself bitterly, holding back tears as the valet approaches his car._

_ 

Harry makes a mental note of where the hotel gym is, as he walks passed it with his hands shoved in his pockets. The hotel is quite empty for the early morning hours- but due to his earlier nap and the difference in time zones, Harry cannot sleep. 

He wanders further down a long corridor, eventually walking passed the hotel bar, that's mostly empty, except for a few patrons. 

Harry suddenly stops, though, and does a double take when he catches something out of the corner of his eye: Louis is sitting alone at the bar. 

He freezes for a minute, unsure of what he should do. It's a rare opportunity for him and Louis to have alone time anymore and he contemplates whether if he should just go over there and say a quick hello or if he should keep walking. 

But before his mind can even be made up, the bartender looks up at Harry. "Come in, we're open." 

Louis whips his head around and meets eyes with Harry, who's standing quite awkwardly with his hands still in his pockets. 

Louis smiles gently before making a gesture at Harry, signaling for him to come sit next to him. For a minute, Harry's unsure if Louis meant that for him but seeing as there really isn't anyone else around, it must've been here. 

He walks over slowly, taking a seat on the stool next to Louis, who's lazily scrolling through his phone placed on the bar. 

"What can I get you?" The bartender asks, wiping off the counter with a rag. 

"A diet coke." 

"Hey," Louis breathes, looking up at Harry and placing a hand on his leg. "Can't sleep?" 

"No," Harry coughs, swinging his legs over so he's more comfortable. "I took a nap earlier, so, y'know." 

"Mm hm," Louis nods, reaching over and taking a sip of his drink. "You want anything stronger to drink? I figured it might help me fall asleep." 

"No, no," Harry protests. "I'm good." 

Louis nods his head slowly for a few moments. "So," he begins, seeming a bit reluctant. "You've quit drinking, then?" 

"Yeah," Harry nods, looking away from Louis. "I have, actually." 

"I'm proud of you," Louis smiles, grabbing Harry's hand. "That's awesome!" 

The feeling of Louis' hand on Harry's makes Harry feel light-headed and surreal. It only lasts for a moment, though, as Louis removes his hand to type something into his phone. 

"You seem busy," Harry laughs, staring down at Louis' phone. 

"Oh, I'm sorry," Louis comments. "I'm just texting Rodrigo. He wanted to make sure I got here okay and everything." 

"Oh," Harry responds, looking down to eye Louis' phone as if it were evil. "So," He swallows thickly. "How are things between Loudrigo these days?" 

"Oh God," Louis laughs, turning his phone off. "They're good. Sorry, I just really hate that name." 

"What? Loudrigo?" 

"Yeah," Louis answers taking another sip of his drink. "I mean, I hate when people combine names in general- like for relationships." 

Harry nods his head and stays quiet for a minute before clearing his throat. "Well, you do have to admit that 'Larry' was kind of cute." 

"Sort of," Louis giggles, much to Harry's relief, who was half expecting Louis to be upset with him bringing it up. "I guess 'Loudrigo' isn't so bad either." 

"Louis," Harry says, narrowing his eyes. "It sounds like a form of ecstasy." 

Louis throws his head back, letting out a loud laugh, which in turn makes Harry smile. It's been so long since he's been able to make Louis smile laugh out loud like this and he's enjoying every minute of it.

"God, you're right," Louis replies, wiping his eye. "At least Larry sounded like a person." 

"That's very true," Harry giggles, playing with the glass of soda in his hands. "So, how are you these days?" 

"I'm doing good," Louis sighs. "As best as can be expected, y'know?" 

"Yeah," Harry nods. "Me too. Are you nervous for tomorrow? Y'know, performing?" 

"Nah," Louis shrugs, taking another drink from his glass. "It'll be alright. I mean, I am a little nervous I'll forget some of the words but aside from that, I think I'll be okay." 

"Of course, you will," Harry smiles, reaching out to squeeze Louis' shoulder. "Hey, Louis?" 

"Hm?" Louis asks, looking up at Harry with a curious face. 

"About this morning, with the whole island thing, I didn't mean to creep you out," Harry finally says, just wanting to get it out of the way. 

"Oh, it's alright," Louis assures Harry, patting him on the back. "I overreacted. I didn't mean it like that." 

"No," Harry answers, shaking his head. "I shouldn't make comments like that when I know you have a boyfriend. I shouldn't be offering to buy you things. I'm sorry." 

"Seriously, Harry," Louis says with a chuckle. "Let's just forget about it, okay? It really wasn't that big of deal." 

"Okay," Harry agrees bobbing his head up and down. "Okay." 

The conversation drawls on for what seems like hours. It's amazing to Harry how quickly him and Louis are able to pick up where they left off and catch up with one another. He even learns a whole lot about what Louis' been up to since the hiatus started and how his family is doing, and of course, what life is like after coming out. 

It's interesting to Harry. Where he thought he would've been hurt, he's intrigued. He listens intently, fascinated by every word Louis is saying. It's refreshing to finally have a real conversation with someone again, someone who's actually a genuine friend and not someone who is simply talking at Harry instead of with him. 

Harry almost wishes the night would never end- but when Louis complains he's beginning to fall asleep, Harry is more than willing to walk with him back to his hotel room to make sure he gets inside safely. 

And when Harry does get back to his room that night, he slides open his phone to see a text from Jeff. He opens it, assuming it's something work related but when he sees it, he realizes that's not it. 

Jeff's sent him a question mark attached to a screenshot of a tweet from one of the many One Direction update accounts, showing a grainy picture of Harry and Louis downstairs at the hotel bar. He's surprised at how fast that took, considering it only took him about ten minutes tops to get back to his room from the bar.

Harry isn't sure how to respond, so he simply texts Jeff back: _long story._

As he stares at the picture, though, Harry can't help but smile from ear to ear. He reads the caption: _Louis and Harry spotted together at the hotel bar. #LarryIsNotDead_

At least for the fans, Larry is back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was a pretty heavy chapter for me to write. I mean, who am I kidding, this entire fic is heavy and angsty. It was mostly flashbacks which might have seemed out of place. The last flashback of Louis and Harry getting pulled over the cop, I debated taking out. However, I wanted to convey that their relationship was strained and beginning to change over time.
> 
> I also updated some of the tags.
> 
> Anyway, I appreciate you reading if you did and feedback is always welcomed.


End file.
